invisibility cloak

sometimes, i feel like Simon Bellamy. (if you are not acquainted with this character, go watch misfits right now.)
which is to mean, for those unacquainted ones, that i on occasion feel invisible, translucent, "Mr Cellophane, shoulda been my name cos you can look right through me, walk right by me, and never know i'm there" to quote Chicago lyrics.

it's a little bit pathetic, i don't like to be a doormat, a mantlepiece, an observer, a benchwarmer. by nature, i am very much the opposite. a leader, not a follower. i am a cat, and i walk by myself, she quotes resolutely, in reference to a favorite childhood bedtime story. i am the mouse walking through the deep, dark wood, who claims to have a dining appointment with a gruffalow. small and insignificant in looks, unpredictably bold in personality. however, another rather strong trait of my persona oftentimes is at conflict with said boldness. the trait of mine which is often praised, is unfortunately my befallment. the desire to please others, an innert niceness- for want of a better phrase.

this is me, and as i grow the bolder side strengthens, however at times it overpowers and backfires in unpleasant ways. i can only hope that in the future, as i continue to grow and change, that these two opposites of my character are able to find balance, a happy middle.

i refuse to be a pushover, yet i desire to be well-liked. in time, i hope, this will be achieved.

bloom.

In the morning when I wake
And the sun is coming through,
Oh, you fill my lungs with sweetness,
And you fill my head with you.

Shall I write it in a letter?
Shall I try to get it down?
Oh, you fill my head with pieces
Of a song I can't get out.

Can I be close to you?


i'm erratic, irrational (at times), indecisive, impulsive, affectionate, intimate, i like to whistle, music gives my heart wings, some would say i'm a tired cliche, others something they've
never seen, i dare to be different, but i'm also quite scared, prone to being taken unawares, more often than what is sensible, unprepared. forgetfull of "important things" but i remember everything, every word and sound and secret, every whisper and which-way, no sense of direction, i don't know where i'm headed, but i'll skip down a windy road, connecting the dots, colouring outside the lines, breaking the rules. one day, i'll find my place.