alliwantforchristmas

'tis the season. i could write a deeply emotive post, heavy on the sentiment and goodwill, about the true meaning of christmas, about family, giving not receiving, et cetera. but i don't overly feel like it, because ya'll probably know all that by now, and if you don't, get off my blog. kidding. maybe.
anyway, here are a couple of lists. christmas wishlists to be exact, one materialistic and one perhaps with a slight dose of sentimentality. we'll see. 

All I want for Christmas (the 'me' list)
 a 'hot' body. flat stomach, abs, toned and lean and flab-free.
lots and lots of books. preferably by john green, also i wouldn't mind that jennifer weiner book that she wrote and i have yet to buy myself because it still costs more than i am willing to spend on a book. 
an acceptance from the university course i applied to.
a better job than the one i have now.
a kitten.
more madagascan vanilla flower eay de toilette from the body shop, cos it smells so damn good.
a chance to dance with ellen.
maybe a few other things. some dumbells and a pilates mat perhaps. i don't know.

All I want for Christmas (the list i probably should write. I do mean it, though.)
The Australian Government to get off their fecking high horse and legalise marriage equality already. GOOD GRIEF!!
for people (myself included) to stop being such self-indulgent tool faces and get some perspective about things.
more motivation to do the things i should do, like go to the gym more, study rather than procrastinate, et cetera
the people i love to have their troubles lessened. comfort for those who have lost loved ones, healing for those who are sick or hurting, and the ability to make peace with less-than-ideal situations
for myself: to be able to switch off and let go, to not worry about the things out of my control, and to not be so afraid.

Also, a reflection:
The year started out, well to be completely honest, not so great. I was depressed, angry, scared, and alone. But in time, i was able to heal somewhat, make peace with certain aspects of my recent not-so-nice past, and i learned who my true friends are, and re-realised how blessed i am to have such an amazing support network of people who care about me. I found real love, something i didn't expect to find for a while, and it was unexpected, and it was a little bit scary, and it's been a learning curve, but it's also the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me, and i'm much happier now than i was for a long time before. I have watched (from afar), a very special friend grow and change and I've never been prouder of her. i've come to have a new appreciation for my family, even though they still make me crazy sometimes. and i think i've become less selfish, because i have someone else to worry about, and want to make happy. I've had a rest, gained a lot of perspective, and i'm ready for whatever the future holds for me. i'm ready for change, and challenge, and a fresh start. and i think that's all i could have asked for. so thanks.