Friday, March 21, 2014

looking back and looking forward.

So, I'll be turning 22 in 4 days. it's a little scary, how fast time passes, how much can change in the blink of an eye. this time last year, I was anticipating my 21st birthday, however I was not in a good place emotionally or psychologically. I was angry, scared, depressed, alone. Now, I get comments from others about how different I seem. a friend said to me last night, 'I'm glad you're happy'. So much has happened, so much has changed. I am happy. I'm not 100% sure what I want to do with my life, but I'm figuring it out and that's okay. I'm comfortable with that. I've fallen in love, found the person I know i will spend the rest of my life with. I know I will never be alone again, and i take a great amount of comfort in that. I feel safe, and loved, and never alone. Life isn't all peaches and cream, I still have ups and downs, bad days and cases of the mean reds. But I now have someone to pull me out of a slump, to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. My best friend is back home, which feels great. I'm surrounded by people i love and care about, and have purged my life of toxic people who only seek to bring me down. I've had a rough journey, been hurt, neglected those people and things that matter, made mistakes at every turn. But i've come out fighting, stronger and happier than I ever thought I could be. I didn't get everything I wanted or thought I would have by this point in my life, but I've got such a long way to go still, and hopefully I'll keep growing and get to where I want to end up. In the meantime, I have a network of people who won't let me fall, and someone who loves me and would do anything for me, who will always be there. I see a future of love and laughter, of starting a family someday. I can now look at those who hurt me and poisoned my life, and who embody my mistakes, and not cower. I'm strong, I'm over it, and I won't let my past ghosts haunt me anymore. 22 will be a good year.