alliwantforchristmas

'tis the season. i could write a deeply emotive post, heavy on the sentiment and goodwill, about the true meaning of christmas, about family, giving not receiving, et cetera. but i don't overly feel like it, because ya'll probably know all that by now, and if you don't, get off my blog. kidding. maybe.
anyway, here are a couple of lists. christmas wishlists to be exact, one materialistic and one perhaps with a slight dose of sentimentality. we'll see. 

All I want for Christmas (the 'me' list)
 a 'hot' body. flat stomach, abs, toned and lean and flab-free.
lots and lots of books. preferably by john green, also i wouldn't mind that jennifer weiner book that she wrote and i have yet to buy myself because it still costs more than i am willing to spend on a book. 
an acceptance from the university course i applied to.
a better job than the one i have now.
a kitten.
more madagascan vanilla flower eay de toilette from the body shop, cos it smells so damn good.
a chance to dance with ellen.
maybe a few other things. some dumbells and a pilates mat perhaps. i don't know.

All I want for Christmas (the list i probably should write. I do mean it, though.)
The Australian Government to get off their fecking high horse and legalise marriage equality already. GOOD GRIEF!!
for people (myself included) to stop being such self-indulgent tool faces and get some perspective about things.
more motivation to do the things i should do, like go to the gym more, study rather than procrastinate, et cetera
the people i love to have their troubles lessened. comfort for those who have lost loved ones, healing for those who are sick or hurting, and the ability to make peace with less-than-ideal situations
for myself: to be able to switch off and let go, to not worry about the things out of my control, and to not be so afraid.

Also, a reflection:
The year started out, well to be completely honest, not so great. I was depressed, angry, scared, and alone. But in time, i was able to heal somewhat, make peace with certain aspects of my recent not-so-nice past, and i learned who my true friends are, and re-realised how blessed i am to have such an amazing support network of people who care about me. I found real love, something i didn't expect to find for a while, and it was unexpected, and it was a little bit scary, and it's been a learning curve, but it's also the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me, and i'm much happier now than i was for a long time before. I have watched (from afar), a very special friend grow and change and I've never been prouder of her. i've come to have a new appreciation for my family, even though they still make me crazy sometimes. and i think i've become less selfish, because i have someone else to worry about, and want to make happy. I've had a rest, gained a lot of perspective, and i'm ready for whatever the future holds for me. i'm ready for change, and challenge, and a fresh start. and i think that's all i could have asked for. so thanks. 

What I Like About You

i love the creases around your eyes when you smile
i love the way you laugh in a totally innocent, unjaded way
i love how you sing terribly off-key and get the lyrics wrong, but are unashamed about it
i love how you pretty much always order the same thing when we go out to eat
i love how you hate tomatoes and mushrooms
i love how we both hate a certain weather reporter
i love how you so patiently put up with my complaining and weird mood swings
i love how you can calm me down or cheer me up with a few words, a hug and a smile
i love how you treat those who you love with utmost respect and kindness
i love how you never seem to tire of my company, regardless of how we spend hours each day communicating
i love how the ways in which we differ are so complimentary
i love how selfless you are
i love how i can laugh, cry, act like a total nutcase around you with no fear whatsoever of judgement
i love how you always ask me what you should wear when getting ready in the morning
i love your taste in music, movies and icecream flavours 
i love how you share pieces of yourself and your life with me
i love you.

Way too much information that probably no-one cares about but i'm going to give it anyway.

1: What are you wearing? 
black tank, black leggings, green hoodie
2: Ever been in love? 
yes
3: Ever had a terrible breakup? 
not particularly
4: How tall are you? 
i don't know, probably about 5'2
5: How much do you weigh? 
again i'm not sure
6: Any tattoos? 
i wish
7: Any piercings? 
my earlobes and my nose
8: OTP? 
troyler
9: Favorite Show? 
Friends, or The Nanny
10: Favorite bands? 
Currently, The Kooks, Jinja Safari and The Preatures
11: Something you miss? 
Japan
12: Favorite song?
Biiiig question. I quite like 'Don't you forget about me' by The Simple Minds
13: How old are you? 
21
14: Zodiac sign? 
they're a bunch of crap. but Aries
15: Quality you look for in a partner? 
No bullshit
16: Favorite Quote? 
you were born with two hands... one for helping yourself and one for helping others
17: Favorite actor? 
Ahhhh cannot narrow it down to one! Stanley Tucci, Leo Di Caprio and Audrey Hepburn
18: Favorite color? 
19: Loud music or soft? 
LOUD!
20: Where do you go when you're sad? 
My blog :)
21: How long does it take you to shower? 
depends entirely on how awake I am, and which shower I am using. also whether or not i have to shave and wash my hair
22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 
30 minutes to an hour
23: Ever been in a physical fight? 
Yeah...
24: Turn on?
 passions
25: Turn off? 
Racism
26: The reason I joined Blogspot?
Therapy without the unwanted advice
27: Fears? 
Failure and spiders
28: Last thing that made you cry? 
'The Fault In Our Stars' by John Green
29: Last time you said you loved someone? 
This morning
30: Meaning behind your Blogspot Name?
I was an angsty VCE-stressed adolescent. also rather passive-aggressive
31: Last book you read? 
Little Lady, Big Apple
32: The book you're currently reading?
The Waitress
33: Last show you watched? 
Ellen
34: Last person you talked to? 
My boyfriend 
35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted? 
boyfriend
36: Favorite food? 
refuse to choose just one. clingstone peaches, avocado smash, vegetarian arancini, raspberries
37: Place you want to visit?
Greece, Norway, Thailand, Sweden, India, Costa Rica
38: Last place you were? 
The gym
39: Do you have a crush?
I guess i do ;)
40: Last time you kissed someone? 
Today
41: Last time you were insulted? 
depends on if you mean seriously insulted or jokingly. yesterday at work for the former, a few minutes ago for the latter
42: Favourite flavour of sweet? 
Raspberry and green apple
43: Whhat instruments do you play?? 
Piano
44: favourite piece of jewellery?
The ring my best friend gave me for my birthday this year
45: Last sport you played? 
um.... does the gym count?
46: Last song you sang? 
Romanticise by Chela
47: favourite chat up line?
Fat penguin breaks the ice. ;) 
48:Have you ever used it?
I only wish
49: Last time you hung out with anyone? 
my shebangarang at the gym
50: Who should answer these questions next?
the Zo-Han bloggers

My New Discovery

Ryan & The Rumours.
Get around them. seriously. I get chills. literal goosebumps. all of the sexiness. 

from the rag-bag

found this in my old documents... i wrote it years ago, just dragged it up now. not sure if it's any good. we'll see. 

Food for the soul.

It’s freezing out. The cruel wind whips and stings my face as I walk down the street.  On the corner, there is a man, shabbily dressed in a threadbare wool jumper and torn jeans, unshaven, no coat or scarf or anything. He is standing behind a cart that is selling hot donuts to passers-by, yet he looks as though he hasn’t eaten in days. His face is gaunt and there is a sad, lonely look in his eyes that makes me feel like crying. His eyes seem to implore me as I approach, so I stop and buy a donut, handing him some change from my wallet. He murmurs a thank you and drops the money into a tin, which I notice for the first time is labeled with a hand-made sign scribbled on some scrap paper, which reads ‘For Jessie’. The man notices me looking and he reaches into his back pocket and takes out a slightly creased, dog-eared photo, which he shows to me. The pale little face of a tiny girl, no older than four, stares out from the photograph. She has thin dark hair and the saddest eyes I have ever seen. I look up at the man and am surprised that I have to swallow a lump in my throat before speaking. “Is she your daughter?” the man nods. “She’s got leukemia.” Tears immediately spring to my eyes. “I’m so sorry”, I whisper, my heart breaking. He gives me a grim smile. “Thanks. I wish I could do more to help her. My wife threw me out a year ago, a couple months after Jessie got sick, because I was a bit of a mess. I drank too much, and she didn’t think that was a healthy environment for a sick daughter to be in. shortly after that, I got fired from my job, and because I dropped out of high school, I couldn’t get another one. So I took this up, to try and make a living, and I send as much money as I can to my wife each week to help Jessie get better. Towards paying for medical stuff, food, whatever. I just want to be a good father.” At this point, the man chokes up and can’t go on, and I’m about to break down sobbing. I suppose he can tell, because he reaches out and pats me on the arm. “I don’t know why I told you that. I guess you look like the type of person who is easy to talk to.” I look up into the man’s eyes, which I see now are filled with kindness, shadowed with all the grief and hardship life has thrown at him. “It’s okay,” is all I can manage to say, and then I reach into my wallet again and take out two fifty dollar notes, which I slip into the tin before the man can do anything. “For Jessie.” I say, before turning and walking away.

disclaimer: i can't even remember if it was me who wrote this. i'm fairly sure i did, but if i didn't, sorry.  

spinning. caffeine-fuelled and fierce.

elaborate on your innocence my dear

embroidered across a curtain i draw out all our fears

and laid bare before your glare all my flaws appear

too bright the sunlight illuminates crocodile tears

throwing prisms, rainbows, nature's psychedelic tricks,

not as profound as we'd like, they tease those easily pleased

over and under, too fast when we don't have time, the minute hand ticks

i missed your birthday, you held it against me,

baked you a cake, it dissolved in the springtime showers,

and you sneezed, too irked to appreciate the first feeble flowers,

too oft i am overcome and lost in your exerted powers,

you play on my heart darling, winding petal'd chains for hours

the heat makes me dizzy, we soak it up. i used to think you could move mountains. 

back to zero

i believe it is time for an update of all the artists in my itunes. 
let's take it away...

agnes obel
alana grace
alex day
alpine
amy winehouse
angus & julia stone
anna nalick
aqua
arcade fire
arctic monkeys
arrah and the ferns
audrey hepburn
backstreet boys
ball park music
band of skulls
barry louis polisar
beach fossils
(the) beatles
benjamin francis leftwich
beyonce
big scary
billy joel
bishop allen
blondie
bluejuice
bombay bicycle club
bon iver
the box tops
boy & bear
brie larson
bright eyes
chela 
cher
christina aguilera
city & colour
colourblind
cub scouts
culture club
cyndi lauper
D12 feat eminem
darwin deez
devendra banhart
dirt farmer
dizzee rascal
DMX
dune rats
eagle & the worm
ellie goulding
elliott smith
elton john
emma louise
emiliana torrini
falco
fionn regan
fleet foxes
florence & the machine
foster the people
francolin
georgia fair
gotye
gregory & the hawk
grimes
grizzly bear
gwen stefani
gypsy & the cat
the honey trees
holloow everdaze
husky
hungry kids of hungary
ingrid michaelson
iwan rheon
james blunt
jinja safari
joe hisaishi
joel fenton
josh pyke
julia stone
the jungle giants
justin timberlake
karen kamon
karla devito
kate nash
kate voegele
the kinks
the kooks
la dispute
lana del ray
landon pigg
lenka 
the libertines
lisa mitchell
little red
lorde
M.I.A.
marble sounds
matt corby
matthew and the atlas
the middle east
mika
mindy gledhill
missy elliot
modest mouse
mumm-ra
the naked and famous
neda
nena
noah and the whale
norah jones
the offspring
oren lavie
owl eyes
the paper kites
paul tiernan
the perishers
peter bjorn & john
phoenix
the pierces
the preatures
princess chelsea
psychedelic furs
rachael yamagata
regina spektor
ron pope
the ronettes
the rubens
rufus wainwright
sam and the womp
sea legs
semisonic
seth sentry
she & him
the shins
simple minds
sleepyhands
spice girls
the strokes
stonefield
stu larsen
the submarines
suzi quatro
tame impala
teddy geiger
them swoops
tim hart
tin sparrow
tom milek
tony lucca
toploader
the turtles
two door cinema club
vampire weekend
the velvet underground
vengaboys
vetiver
wang chung
we are scientists
wheatus
the wombats
young the giant
the zutons