contraverse.

...really though, does it make me a bad person if i openly admit i'd still rather look like the VS campaign, and that given the choice, probably half the women in the Dove campaign would too?
just one woman's opinion.

DISCLAIMER: i am not condemning dove in any way, shape, or form (hahaha i made a punny! sorry), nor am i denying that either group of women is beautiful or not, or should change. furthermore i am not condemning larger women, or endorsing weight loss, the media's gross misrepresentation of the ideal body type, blah blah blah. please don't sue me for hate crimes or cyber-attack me for fat-bashing. just daring to speak my mind. 

47-17

i'm getting there. slowly. every day in every way, i'm getting better and better.
while there is still a long road ahead, i can't say i'm not proud of myself for getting to where i am now, as compared to not that long ago.
I have so many people to thank for this, those that have supported me, even from across the globe, and i also believe many prayers have been answered. 
loneliness rarely crosses my emotional spectrum these days, and i am more grateful than i can say for those that surround me, a guard against toxicity.
I don't want this blog to dissolve into a fondue of cheesiness, so i'll leave it here. 

“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.”  
from the brilliant Madame Hepburn.

"be yourself - everyone else is taken" 
-Oscar Wilde, which some angel scrawled on a bathroom door where i happened upon it last night, giddy with happiness, the natural high of dancing and excellent music, good company, and admittedly, being slightly inebriated. courtesy of dirty granny cider and cheap bubbly. 

some excellent songs.

providence - Lisa Mitchell
Jolene  - Ray LaMontagne
My False - Matt Corby
99 Red Balloons - Nena
Come away with me - Norah Jones
Hospital Song  - Francolin
Dashboard  - Modest Mouse
Spring - Joe Hisaishi
The Wild One - Suzi Quatro

we talked about nothing which was more than i wanted you to know

never gets old. 

whenever.

I'm sure that your mum's told you all about love
Do you lie to yourself, in hope that's not who you are
You play the boys with you're looks while you're still pretty, and young
I'll keep singing sad songs as if they're drenched in my blood

If you needed me I'd be there
If you need me, whenever

I fumble, I fall in a decadent form
with a heaving chest, you inspire response
And closer still, that undying desire
to make you smile
To see that gleam in your eyes

If you needed me I'd be there
If you need me, whenever

You hold me under
and I hold my breath like a grip on death 'til its over
I want your Love
your touch
No more talk of the boys, of the deeds you've done
where the person I am and the boy that I was
Blur the times that we spent with the feelings you cause
If only I could show you that..

If you needed me I'd be there
If you need me, whenever

x

a confession.

i tell myself what i tell others.
co-dependence makes me sick.
i'm afraid of commitment.
i don't want anyone, don't need anyone. i don't have the time, the energy.
i'm too selfish.
i can't prioritise someone like that in my life.
i'm happy on my own.

but in truth? i guess i just tell myself all these things, to protect my heart.
because the reality is too hard to look in the eye. 
it's called a pursuit for a reason. it's difficult to attain. 
and at great cost. i can't afford those costs. 

but what i really want?
what i'm afraid to want, because i know i can't have it?









i want the fairytale.