post-gym pondering.

who keeps score when the match begins?
who keeps watch when time starts to spin?
who keeps calling when they won't let us in?
who keeps singing when they burned up all the hymns?

we fumble through those sleep-soaked mornings
groggy but not boozed, and the larks call out warnings
you checked us in last night mate, but i won't be your pawn in
all these games you try to play, the beat says it's time to fall in

scornful sinners kiss the ground
whilst cynics synchronise their frowns
their condescending grins too loud
as they descend upon the crowd

i'm clueless, stupid, young, naive
i'm changing, growing, not knowing
what i should believe
and it's only a paper moon
shining 'pon a cardboard sea
but it's not make-believe just because
you refuse to believe in me. 

dirt 'n' daisies.

and now folks, it's time for the song titles/band names story game!
those in the know will know what there is to know about the rules of the game.
for the unenlightened:

participants will attempt to create a lengthy, meaningful or humorous story/sentence using the names of songs or band and/or artist names. 

the way i would like to play it here is in the form of an interactive forum in which i will start by providing a list (random or otherwise, depending on how i feel) of song titles and leave my faithful readers (if any) to put said titles into a story. 

this game will either be a screaming success, a way to procrastinate, or a huge embarrassing fail in which it becomes revealed that no one actually reads this blog and i have no friends in the blogosphere.
either way, it will be fun.

and so i bring you the first of many fine song titles to be used in this magnificent game of wits. 

Nine, no-one needs to know, no-one wants a lover, oats we sow, ocean breathes salty, oh well okay, oh hark.

gogogo!!



p.s. if anyone wants the artists of the above titles, they are, respectively:
La Dispute, The Jungle Giants, Josh Pyke, Gregory and the Hawk, Modest Mouse, Elliott Smith, and Lisa Mitchell. 

chippa chappa choo

crickets.

this is getting ridiculous. i'm not stupid. if there's something wrong, TELL ME. so i can fix it. or move on. toxicity only serves to bring me down. 

perhaps i should run away and start anew? 

so little time, so much to do.

help, if i want it? for a limited time only. why does everything great never last?

apathy at its finest.

i think i've got the mean reds

i believe i should have chosen a different course

have i wasted 2 years of my life?

have i entrenched myself in a worthless, wasteful, wistful existence?

is my poetic soul over-dramatising things as per usual, or are these feelings legitimate?

the sense of worth i once felt having written a perfectly constructed literature analysis essay or a creative piece based around the theme of 'whose reality', or even spent several hours rehearsing a detailed study on hikikomori for japanese, is alien and long absent from my life.

i go through the motions, i procrastinate, avoid, or leave things incomplete. i FAIL. 

capital F. i do things i shouldn't, knowingly, uncaring, and then wallow in a pit of regret like quicksand. 

i feel as though life is a game of noughts and crosses, and i have placed my 'x' in the wrong square, thus crossing out any chance i might have of a bright future. 

perhaps i could do something about this, however i feel as though i have dug myself too deeply into this pit of despair, ill-fortune and misconduct, to find my way out without some serious intervention.

which would mean admitting honestly how far i have strayed, which is something we all know i'm not good at. to say the least.

apathy runs deep. laziness has overtaken. and now i wallow.