i believe i should have chosen a different course
have i wasted 2 years of my life?
have i entrenched myself in a worthless, wasteful, wistful existence?
is my poetic soul over-dramatising things as per usual, or are these feelings legitimate?
the sense of worth i once felt having written a perfectly constructed literature analysis essay or a creative piece based around the theme of 'whose reality', or even spent several hours rehearsing a detailed study on hikikomori for japanese, is alien and long absent from my life.
i go through the motions, i procrastinate, avoid, or leave things incomplete. i FAIL.
capital F. i do things i shouldn't, knowingly, uncaring, and then wallow in a pit of regret like quicksand.
i feel as though life is a game of noughts and crosses, and i have placed my 'x' in the wrong square, thus crossing out any chance i might have of a bright future.
perhaps i could do something about this, however i feel as though i have dug myself too deeply into this pit of despair, ill-fortune and misconduct, to find my way out without some serious intervention.
which would mean admitting honestly how far i have strayed, which is something we all know i'm not good at. to say the least.
apathy runs deep. laziness has overtaken. and now i wallow.
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