warning: it's been a while since i've been in a sociology lecture so if this just turns into a rant, so be it. i'm not apologising.
"i don't put out unless i get dinner", Lorelai Gilmore (Lauren Graham) quips when her best friend Sookie proposes a girl's night out in The Gilmore Girls.
It's a joke, it's funny within the context, and The Gilmore Girls is far from being an anti-feminist show.
However, as i sit watching it, i can't help but think about how the whole 'putting out for dinner' practise has become such an accepted social ritual in the dating world. more relevant to my age demographic would be the scenario of man buying drinks for women in a club or bar in hopes of a little hanky-panky (to use the correct umbrella term) later in the night. this can be anything from a 'party pash' to actually going home together, and the expectation that a drink will buy a woman's affections for the night has become so entrenched in our social rulebook that men have reportedly used it as part of their justification for sexual assault. it's the whole 'we're not inviting you over for a cup of milo' adage, that women should know what they're getting themselves into when they accept a man's hospitality. and while i agree that in this day and age, if a man buys a woman a drink in a club, it's not too hard to guess what his motives may be, however this is still absolutely no excuse for the boys to be let off the hook.
The way i see it, if a guy wants to buy me a drink, that is entirely his decision, and if he does have ulterior motives, he is taking a gamble. just as you are not guaranteed to win a single cent if you decide to play the pokies, a woman is well within her rights to do nothing more than accept the drink she has been bought (politely of course) and go about her business, and whether or not that business includes the man is entirely up to her.
if you really think about it, the 'putting out for dinner' (or a drink) school of thought is actually a form of attempted prostitution. Really, the guy has paid (in the form of a drink probably not exceeding $20) and he expects what is essentially a 'service' in return. of course, if the woman responds willingly, i have no issue with that. what makes it such a vile way of thinking is the fact that so many males automatically EXPECT that the woman will comply. and if we really are comparing this messed-up social ritual to commercial sex, i think it's fair to say that the professionals have the better end of the deal. for one, they are paid much more than just a cheap alcoholic beverage or two, and secondly (more importantly), they actually know in no uncertain terms the contract into which they enter by accepting payment.
and it's not just the guys who are to blame for encouraging this strange mentality. we may be the fairer sex, but ladies, have we fallen into the trap of condoning this? i've discussed this issue with a few of my female friends, and a few do admit to feeling guilty if a guy buys her a drink and she doesn't give anything in return. while i can understand this, what happened to chivalry? what happened to guys just doing things for girls for the sake of being nice? really, if a guy approached me in a club and asked to buy me a drink, i would thank him, make the decision to accept or decline based entirely on my own whims, and engage in some pleasant conversation (it's only polite). i might even dance with him, but taking it further than that depends entirely upon whether or not i'm attracted to him, how i find his personality, and if i even feel like "picking up" that night. i see the offer of a drink as more of a conversation opener than an invitation to be dragged back to his cave. it's a nice, foolproof way to break the ice, and while i'm not advocating women stringing guys along for a free drink (because that's just rude, you can say no if you're not interested), accepting but not taking things further sexually is in no way a crime. if he's really a nice guy who is genuinely interested in getting to know you beyond a one-night-stand, he'll exchange numbers and contact you later.
if he gets annoyed because you accepted the drink but don't want to take it further than polite conversation, that's entirely his problem and you're probably better off without him.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment