this concept of laughter confuses me

"up until now i had sworn to myself that i'm content with loneliness, because none of it was ever worth the risk. but you are the only exception."

ever really wanted to tell someone something, but you just can't?
you've been through the stages...
ignorance

denial

confusion

observation

confirmation... "oh dammit, i'm in love with them..."
Now what?

Do i take that leap of faith and risk not being caught? or do i keep this secret to myself until it either becomes painful or disappears? time will tell?

i've got better things to do than to waste my time on you.

i read this, and it broke my heart.

Banishment - Siegfried Sassoon
I am banished from the patient men who fight
They smote my heart to pity, built my pride.
Shoulder to aching shoulder, side by side,
They trudged away from life’s broad wealds of light.
Their wrongs were mine; and ever in my sight
They went arrayed in honour.
But they died,— Not one by one: and mutinous I cried
To those who sent them out into the night.
The darkness tells how vainly I have striven
To free them from the pit where they must dwell
In outcast gloom convulsed and jagged and riven
By grappling guns. Love drove me to rebel.
Love drives me back to grope with them through hell;
And in their tortured eyes I stand forgiven.

thought-provoking isn't it?

first attempt

Bare walls, blindingly white,
Rain falls, I open the window,
Wish for silence, I am denied it,
Don’t want to talk, suddenly it’s quiet.
Sinfully peaceful, disturbingly calm,
I don’t deserve this; I’m just marking time,
A fork in the road, neither option appealing,
Screams penetrate my slumber, through doors and the ceiling,
Beseeching blue eyes piercing my thoughts,
Fighting my own resistance, always fighting,
Told them I walked away, but I know I’m hiding,
Unjustly worshipped, unfairly scorned,
If I leave or return, either way torn.
And there’s always the war.

i miss this part right here...

in an ideal world, i'd return to this moment, and stay there.

something happy

although it's hard to see, the circled post is a quote from one of MY poems (see, "Conversation stimulates inspiration) on another person's blog, my dear friend Rhian to be exact. :) "flowers die, love dies, and as i write, the ink dries. i'm no longer slave to your broken promises, nor victim to your lies. from this moment on, i'll start with the truth."
check out her blog at r2e.tumblr.com ^^

Don't Roll Your Eyes At Me (tweaked version.)

Trapped in a plethora of ice-blue perfection,
A glass house; but inexplicably, I can find no reflection;
On the cusp of a breakthrough, a telephone rings,
Obnoxiously incongruous against played out notes that float,
With wild abandon, from rusted guitar strings.
Unnecessary chores; nights we struggle to recall,
So we go through the motions blindly, throbbing head,
Closed off heart, disused brain,
Now I’m running to catch the nine am train,
All foresight blurred by torrential, unforgiving rain,
I spilled a cherry soda, hope it doesn’t stain.
We pass a cleaning shop I used to frequent; now it’s empty.
The owner ran away because he couldn’t pay the rent.
Such a dreary world long past its use-by date,
So we’re left, bereft, caught in this clichéd rhyme,
On the precipice of epiphany, let’s step back, and waste some time.

The REAL Paul Anka

Put on your anorak of ambition,
Your wellington boots of willpower,
Your fedora of forward thinking,
And your gloves of greatness,
Step forth into a plethora of resistance,
And watch as they applaud you,
A Santa Ana wind whispers your name,
And guides you along the path of greatness,
And when the sun goes down on that day of revelation,
Your triumphant silhouette against the dusty rose backdrop
Will be resplendent in the minds of those who matter,
And tower over those who matter not.
Step out of the boat…