I may or may not make this a series, i guess it depends on whether or not i can be bothered finding something else to rant about/if i remember to return to this idea later.
But for now, this is a rant, partially inspired by the always hilarious and brutally honest Jenna Marbles, about annoying people/situations on aeroplanes. And away we go...
1. Little kids on planes
I know kids have to travel too, but there are various situations in which children should be seen and not heard, and the aeroplane is one of those situations. there is nothing worse than being in a small enclosed space for an extended period of time, with nowhere to run or hide, and some bratty kid is screaming or crying or telling the entire plane about their thoughts on the in-flight movie or whatever. another thing annoying kids are good at is kicking the back of my damn seat. i feel like the last few times i have been on a plane, there has been some horrible child just kicking away at the back of my seat. now, i realise the parents of said children hold some blame in this, but i'll get to that later. bottom line: kids are annoying as hell on planes.
2. Lazy/ignorant parents on planes.
we all know the type. parents who stubbornly turn a blind eye to their kids' annoying behaviour (see above for detailed list), because they are too selfish to consider the comfort and sanity of other passengers. it's really not that hard to BE a freaking parent and tell your kid to stop kicking the seat in front of them, stop running up and down the aisles, stop throwing their toys, and shut the hell up.
on a related topic, there are also the parents who admittedly, get points for using their parenting skills, however these skills have a lot of room for improvement. it is one thing to tell your kids off in an inside voice. but please, do not scream at them. that's just as bad as your kid screaming.
3. People who stand up the second the plane lands, and proceed to stand in the aisles, acting like it's a big race to get off the plane. EVERYONE knows that you're not going to be able to get off the plane for a while, and yet EVERY SINGLE TIME, people feel the need to get out of their seats as soon as the seatbelt lights go off. WHY. sit the hell down and WAIT. seriously.
4. People who lean their chair all the way back in front of you, especially when you're using the food tray or watching a movie on the screen in the back of the chair. Yes, i know it's hard to get comfortable on planes and you need to sleep, but please have consideration for the people around you. they don't need to be squashed to a pulp/have their food spilled everywhere/be literally face-to-face with their tv screen just because you want to turn the plane into your personal bed.
5. People who talk really loudly on the plane, especially when the cabin lights have been dimmed. Okay, you're excited, we get it. but you don't need to broadcast your conversation to the entire world. people are trying to sleep, or watch movies, so keep it down.
6. People who knock on the toilet doors. Okay, there is a lock for a reason, and if you use your brain and your eyes you will see the 'occupied' sign or the red mark on the outside of the door that clearly indicates there is someone inside the toilet. you don't need to knock. that's just stupid.
7. People who don't lock the toilet doors. There's a lock for a reason, people. use it.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Monday, July 15, 2013
recent 'trends' that are just plain stupid.
1. The 'Scouse Brow'
if you are unfamiliar with the above term, allow me to explain. this is where females think it ooks attractive to outline and colour in their eyebrows so they are a) really really thick, and b) usually several shades darker than their natural eyebrow colour, thus rendering their brows a million times more likely to draw the eye than any other more attractive facial feature. yes, defined brows are good, they frame the eyes, make you look 'fierce', blah blah blah but SERIOUSLY. this has gone too far! you look like a four year old has taken to your face with a sharpie. it's not cute. stop it. staaahhp itttt.
2. Face stickers/face glitter
you are not edward cullen. you are not a my little pony. you are not a purse in need of bedazzling. you are not Beyonce's baby's bathtub. your face is not a child's craft activity. so please, please, PLEASE stop putting stupid-looking gem stickers and/or inappropriate amounts of glitter on your face. you look ridiculous.
3. Bindis
Unless this is a cultural thing, NO.
4. Ridiculously furry jackets.
faux or not, this is not classy. you look like you shot a bear and decided to wear it home. or like you're trying to be cookie monster but it's not halloween. this trend is particularly horrendous when paired with animal-print pants. hello, cruella deville.
5. sprinkle nails.
it's not creative, it's over the top and quite frankly extremely childish. did you paint your nails or just fall hands-first into a plate of fairy bread?
6. Peplum.
a) stupid name. b) it doesn't 'hide' the bad parts of your figure, it just makes it LOOK like you're trying (unsuccessfully) to hide parts of your figure. whatever happened to the empire waist?
if you are unfamiliar with the above term, allow me to explain. this is where females think it ooks attractive to outline and colour in their eyebrows so they are a) really really thick, and b) usually several shades darker than their natural eyebrow colour, thus rendering their brows a million times more likely to draw the eye than any other more attractive facial feature. yes, defined brows are good, they frame the eyes, make you look 'fierce', blah blah blah but SERIOUSLY. this has gone too far! you look like a four year old has taken to your face with a sharpie. it's not cute. stop it. staaahhp itttt.
2. Face stickers/face glitter
you are not edward cullen. you are not a my little pony. you are not a purse in need of bedazzling. you are not Beyonce's baby's bathtub. your face is not a child's craft activity. so please, please, PLEASE stop putting stupid-looking gem stickers and/or inappropriate amounts of glitter on your face. you look ridiculous.
3. Bindis
Unless this is a cultural thing, NO.
4. Ridiculously furry jackets.
faux or not, this is not classy. you look like you shot a bear and decided to wear it home. or like you're trying to be cookie monster but it's not halloween. this trend is particularly horrendous when paired with animal-print pants. hello, cruella deville.
5. sprinkle nails.
it's not creative, it's over the top and quite frankly extremely childish. did you paint your nails or just fall hands-first into a plate of fairy bread?
6. Peplum.
a) stupid name. b) it doesn't 'hide' the bad parts of your figure, it just makes it LOOK like you're trying (unsuccessfully) to hide parts of your figure. whatever happened to the empire waist?
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Lifescouts #6
First of all, three musicians/bands you should check out RIGHT NOW.
Stu Larsen (recommended songs Seaforth Mackenzie and King Street)
Dirt Farmer (their entire repertoire is incredible but particularly Johnny Marble and She Shakes)
Francolin (EVERYTHING)
Go, go, go!
also,
Lifescouts badge awarding time, because it's been a while.
The Gymnastics Badge.
My parents decided to enrol me in gymnastics when i was about four or five, of course when you're that young it's apparently called 'play gym', because you don't get to the 'serious stuff' until later in life.
sadly my short-lived gymnastics experience was not one filled with laughter and warm memories. No, it was mostly fear, intimidation, psychological injuries and a few physical ones, not to mention being forced to sport terrible-quality yellow face paint for the end of year presentation, in which lies a psychological injury.
but i digress.
One of the negatives (in my five year old mind) of gymnastics was the fact that we had to travel between obstacles or whatever they're called in a single file line, and this was made worse by the fact that i happened to always end up second-last in line. which would not have been so bad if not for the horrible brat of a child that always happened to bring up the rear of said line, and who would always, without fail, proceed to shove me along when we were moving from one obstacle to another. this was not fun. to add further stress to my psychological welfare was the expectation to perform a somersault-flip thing on the bars. which i can perform now without any trouble, but to a five-year-old, hurling yourself headfirst and temporarily upside-down over a metal bar with only the hard gymnasium floor to cushion your blow (there was probably a mat but this is a trauma tale) is nothing short of terrifying. where was the guarantee that i would make it ut of this seemingly impossible feat alive, without the very real possibility of smashing my head on the ground, should i fail? to make matters even worse, the gymnastics instructor, to my memory, was not one for providing much in the way of assurance and encouragement.
At least i only had to go once a week, and after the allotted time, i was allowed to return to my safe, comfortable life of playgrounds, classrooms, and a prep teacher whom i adored.
but alas, little did i know, the playground i so dearly cherished also held hidden threats which would come to draw a line under the whole business (this being my fear of gymnastics)
basically, I was walking around the oval at school with my across-the-road neighbour, when we happened upon a balance beam. she convinced me to walk along it, which i did, only to fall off the balance beam, graze my shins and bang my chin on my knee, causing further injuries in the way of a bloody lip and a lost tooth. ergo, psychological trauma, no more gymnastics for me, but also i think the rightful acquisition of the pertaining lifescouts award. here is my badge.
Stu Larsen (recommended songs Seaforth Mackenzie and King Street)
Dirt Farmer (their entire repertoire is incredible but particularly Johnny Marble and She Shakes)
Francolin (EVERYTHING)
Go, go, go!
also,
Lifescouts badge awarding time, because it's been a while.
The Gymnastics Badge.
My parents decided to enrol me in gymnastics when i was about four or five, of course when you're that young it's apparently called 'play gym', because you don't get to the 'serious stuff' until later in life.
sadly my short-lived gymnastics experience was not one filled with laughter and warm memories. No, it was mostly fear, intimidation, psychological injuries and a few physical ones, not to mention being forced to sport terrible-quality yellow face paint for the end of year presentation, in which lies a psychological injury.
but i digress.
One of the negatives (in my five year old mind) of gymnastics was the fact that we had to travel between obstacles or whatever they're called in a single file line, and this was made worse by the fact that i happened to always end up second-last in line. which would not have been so bad if not for the horrible brat of a child that always happened to bring up the rear of said line, and who would always, without fail, proceed to shove me along when we were moving from one obstacle to another. this was not fun. to add further stress to my psychological welfare was the expectation to perform a somersault-flip thing on the bars. which i can perform now without any trouble, but to a five-year-old, hurling yourself headfirst and temporarily upside-down over a metal bar with only the hard gymnasium floor to cushion your blow (there was probably a mat but this is a trauma tale) is nothing short of terrifying. where was the guarantee that i would make it ut of this seemingly impossible feat alive, without the very real possibility of smashing my head on the ground, should i fail? to make matters even worse, the gymnastics instructor, to my memory, was not one for providing much in the way of assurance and encouragement.
At least i only had to go once a week, and after the allotted time, i was allowed to return to my safe, comfortable life of playgrounds, classrooms, and a prep teacher whom i adored.
but alas, little did i know, the playground i so dearly cherished also held hidden threats which would come to draw a line under the whole business (this being my fear of gymnastics)
basically, I was walking around the oval at school with my across-the-road neighbour, when we happened upon a balance beam. she convinced me to walk along it, which i did, only to fall off the balance beam, graze my shins and bang my chin on my knee, causing further injuries in the way of a bloody lip and a lost tooth. ergo, psychological trauma, no more gymnastics for me, but also i think the rightful acquisition of the pertaining lifescouts award. here is my badge.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
she had it before anyone else
Now, i'm not one to condone the current trends in the language of today's youth, but this is priceless.
Love me some Grandma Yetta. hipster as fuck.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Lifescouts #5
So far i feel like most of the lifescout experiences i've had are fairly generic, so i tried to choose one that maybe isn't so common, or in any case is perhaps a bit more interesting.
so i chose the Rainforest Badge.
a few fun stories about me and rainforests.
1. I went to Queensland on a holiday with my family when i was six or seven (where else but queeeenslaaaand...who remembers that song?) and one of the things we did was a rainforest walk. it wasn't guided, we just went as a family, and we read a sign along the way that said 'beware of cassowaries"
a cassowary for those who don't know is a somewhat threatening bird that looks like this:
the sign , which looked like this:
so i chose the Rainforest Badge.
a few fun stories about me and rainforests.
1. I went to Queensland on a holiday with my family when i was six or seven (where else but queeeenslaaaand...who remembers that song?) and one of the things we did was a rainforest walk. it wasn't guided, we just went as a family, and we read a sign along the way that said 'beware of cassowaries"
a cassowary for those who don't know is a somewhat threatening bird that looks like this:
told us that if confronted by a cassowary, one should back away slowly and hide behind a tall tree.
we all laughed thinking this would not be a problem and went on our merry way. we were happily walking through the rainforest when A WILD CASSOWARY APPEARED! (cue pokemon music)
so we all did the logical thing and hid behind dad.
i was going to share another rainforest-related anecdote but i realised you can't top the cassowary story so here is my badge.
Lifescouts #4
my fourth lifescouts badge is....
KARAOKE!!!
if anyone can't award themselves this badge they have lived a seriously deprived life.
karaoke is in my opinion one of the most fun things you can do, and the worse of a singer you are, the better. one of my stand-out karaoke memories is from my final year of high school, during which one of my friends decided to celebrate her 18th birthday with a karaoke party. she booked a room at a place called party world in the city, and a bunch of us went in and spent literally the whole day in a room equipped with a huge tv, microphones, TAMBORINES, food, drinks and of course, karaoke.
it was amazing.
and here is my badge.
KARAOKE!!!
if anyone can't award themselves this badge they have lived a seriously deprived life.
karaoke is in my opinion one of the most fun things you can do, and the worse of a singer you are, the better. one of my stand-out karaoke memories is from my final year of high school, during which one of my friends decided to celebrate her 18th birthday with a karaoke party. she booked a room at a place called party world in the city, and a bunch of us went in and spent literally the whole day in a room equipped with a huge tv, microphones, TAMBORINES, food, drinks and of course, karaoke.
it was amazing.
and here is my badge.
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