MONSTA

so, i was making random observations, as i often do, and i realised how almost all boy bands seem to follow a certain formula. theres always at least four to a band, and they often stand in choreographed arrangements designed to make them look effortlessly cool when in fact they kind of appear to be robotic and trying really, really hard. still, you have to love them for it. another commonly recurring feature of the boy band is that there is always at least one member with a trademark hat, goatee or both.

additionally (however less often than the hat/goatee combo) two guys that look so similar they could be brothers (this is usually the case), a bald guy that happens to pull it off, and the edgy, slightly more attractive (in a rough and rugged way) guy that has the rap in the middle of the song. this guy is often the 'bad boy' of the band, the member who enjoys the largest fanbase of swooning tweenage girls who believe that instead of the womanising, bad-language using, drug-taking scumbag that he probably is in real life, he is simply 'misunderstood', and that they are 'the only one who understands him', therefore they are 'destined to be together'. furthermore, other common features of the boyband are as follows:

all-white matching outfits that are frequently worn while the band is walking sillhouetted against the setting sun carrying single white roses
synchronised dance moves
THAT sexy brushing back of a lock of overconditioned hair that is so silky that it falls sexily back into place over a pair of piercing blue/smouldering dark eyes
the cute shrug/head tilt
a seedy wink that leads aforementioned tweenage fans to believe that the winker is in love with them, resulting in squealing/swooning/decieving their parents to run off and marry said winker, only to discover about fifty thousand other girls with the same plan in mind
perfectly computer-generated harmonised vocals
matching outfits always/each band member has a 'unique' style of dress that appears across a myriad of music videos, red-carpet appearances and concerts in not-so-original variations

etc etc

i could go on all day.

but, despite this lack of originality and any long-lasting talent, deep down every one of us nurses a soft spot for such boy bands, with their catchy tunes and overcompensation in the way of scantily clad, leggy dancers in attempt to cover up the fact that they're all gay.
because really, they're a part of our naive days, before we discovered the rest of the music world, and they're also good to dance along to and relive the innocent days.

wishful thinking...

is that not the most delectable thing you've ever seen? *sigh*

Raspberry Tartlets

i somehow feel as though a curtain has fallen between me and everything i used to know...as though i'm being distanced from my friends and family, a wall's gone up and i don't know when it did, i think i was too wrapped up in things that only matter temporarily to notice. that's sad, and i wish i could go back and do things differently. but i can't, no-one can, because time is not a friend and it won't wait around for you to catch up. clocks have always seemed sinister in my eyes, unfriendly, intimidating even. the sound of a ticking clock is a haunting one, which i've never enjoyed, and i can't sleep if i can hear that constant 'tick, tick, tick' near me, ticking away seconds and minutes and hours that i'll never get back. i seem to be caught in some kind of bubble of lethargy, drifting around as though in a dreamworld, reality never quite real, and my imagination has let me down dreadfully of late. maybe i have the mean reds...perhaps i need to just put on my sunday face and get on with it.

"I get along, just singin' my song, people tell me i'm wrong..."





"...f**k 'em."

are The Libertines not great?

but i don't believe in fairytales anymore...

i'm tired of crying over you.

squashing grapes

just when things start to get better...they get worse.
maybe i should try writing a letter, it may be theraputic, who knows?
*deep breath* here goes...

To Whom it may concern,
(although really, thats a stupid way to start a letter to the person i wish to write it to, seeing as they're really not that concerned.)
i can't blame you, and yet i want to. you have no idea how i feel, totally clueless.
which i suppose is the way i want it, and i can change that anytime i want.
but i won't. we both know that.
even you know there's something i'm not telling you, and i know i promised i would one day,
but i don't think i can. i'll have to, because i hate breaking promises. but really, who knows what will happen if i told you? i can make a pretty good guess. you'll say it's fine, maybe even apologise (what for, i don't know. you like apologising). but we will both know it's not fine. things will change, you'll start acting weird around me. i'll withdraw, in response to you withdrawing (not that i can blame you). and i'll recoil into a conch of dark thoughts, i'll spiral into a horrible depressed state, cry when i'm alone and put on a brave face when i'm not. i won't tell anyone what's bothering me, but i'll be dying inside.
and you'll feel confused, maybe a little weirded out. you might even feel enlightened, like 'oh so that's what's been going on with her'. in the long run though, you'll probably just disappear from my life. and i'll lose my best friend.
the other option is, don't tell you, keep you around, and wonder when this is going to end.
well that's the end of my little rant.
i guess it helped some.
i'm going to try and be less pathetic now.
silent screaming is good.

*sigh* one day i'll meet my Johnny Castle....
or, not.
we'll see.

"is it right to sit and watch this die?"

join hands and hearts and voices.

"Johnny: I'll never be sorry.
Baby: Neither will i."

'sticks and stones' is the dumbest saying ever.

we learn best by experience, but i still wish i could take it all back and start over.

one trial learning has got to be the most freakishly proven concept in my life this year.

i find i'm often stubborn when i'll later regret it, and too easily deterred where i need to focus.

self respect is a lesson we would all do well to learn. some of us have mastered it,

and some have not. i include myself in the latter group.

i have been blessed with an abundance of true friends.

summer seems so far away...

i wish i'd carried a watermelon...

all your diction dripping with disdain.

"Why would you lie about how much coal you have? Why would you lie about something dumb like that? Why would you lie about anything at all? First the window, then it's to the wall. Lil' Jon, he always tells the truth"

one day, in a hopefully near future, i will put on a preppy sweater in a pastel bright, walk around some pretty green campus with a bag full of books slung over my shoulder, discussing poetry and historical ideologies with some intelligent person, sipping cinnamon tea.
how i long for the days when i will finally be able to join that collegiate and idyllic world, leaving this chapter of my life, of guilt and junk food and studying behind, and enter into something more profound. i long to live in a world in which couples go rowing on pretty lakes edged with weeping willows and cherry blossoms, dressed in crisp collars and floral prints, having picnics in pretty parks, watching swans glide over crystal waters, live and breathe poetry and shakespeare... *sigh*

stupid whoever requested to disable the clip...
watch it on youtube if you haven't already seen it, A-punk by THE Vampire Weekend.
it's amazing.

things that make me smile.

its just so hilariously spastic, and good, at the same time.

i want a purple sweater like him...

time warp

Love dies
Like a wilted rose
Dropping its petals
On a still, black lake
Dive deep
Into the depths of the cold,
Indifferent waters
Where forgotten treasures lie

Love dies
Like the rotting, sunken boat
That lies beneath the black waters
Deserted, no obituary
To pay tribute to all that boat
Has done,
It lies alone, never to be
Spoken of again

Love dies
Like the fallen eagle
Its wings spread on the
Soft, moist loam
No tears are wept
For the loss of this great bird
He was once master of the skies
Feared and respected by all
Who saw him soaring

But who was there to see him fall?
Who was there to witness his
Rapid but graceful descent
Back to earth
Back to his birthplace
Crumpled feathers
And empty eyes, now all that
Remain of this magnificent creature

Now, love is born
In the spring
New roses bloom
Fresh from the soil
Where the eagle lies buried
The lake now a sparkling azure
That throws diamonds in the sun
And a nest atop a great mountain
Is the birthplace of a tiny bird
A new beginning
Love is born again

navy blue hoodies

so, i'm in the mood for warm and fuzzies.

and i know it's kind of cliche, but i think it's worth mentioning.
we're nearing the end of a major chapter in our lives. it's kind of profound. as far back as i can remember, i've gone to school. and kinder before that, but i have clearer memories of school. for thirteen years, it's all i've known. thirteen years out of the eighteen years i've been on this earth. it's so strange, when you really think about it. we feel like we've lived for so long, experienced so much. we think ourselves wise and mature. yet, in the grand scheme of things, we're barely adults. there are so many people who have lived twice as long as us, and experienced more than we can ever imagine. we've got so much more to do, so much longer to go. this is just one chapter of the many that will make up our lives. its kind of sad, to think we're at the end of this chapter. it's been such an enjoyable one, despite the way we've complained and whinged and griped through it. from here on in, we're catapulted into the 'real world' where so much will be expected of us, and everything will move at an incredibly fast pace. it scares me to think of it sometimes. other times, it excites me.

in any case, the purpose of this blog was to give kudos to some very special people who have been in my life and made it that much more amazing. and who i hope will continue to be in my life for many years to come. they know who they are, and even if they don't, i'm throwing it out there...you're all amazing. best friends a girl could ask for.
i don't know how i could have made it this far without you, so thankyou. thankyou for being there, for listening to me for hours on end when if i were in your shoes i would have slapped me and told me to deal with it. thankyou for the hugs, the laughter, the conversations, the tears, the memories, the shared secrets, the good times, just everything.
i love you more than i can say.

anyway, it's bedtime now.
i just had to put that out there.
"friendship is God's way of loving us through someone else."

stay cool, brett.

YAAAAAAAY.
so,
blogspot is working for me again, happy dancing has happened.
i'm feeling quite content, though not as contented as a cat. still pretty up there, though, as far as contentment goes at my stage of life.
i am rambling, i realise this, but i just am so happy to be able to blog properly again.
today was very bizarre, in all kinds of ways.
people dressed in very unconventional ways, we huddled cozily around and talked intelligently about things, and i exhausted my brain power.
things people said are starting to come true, and it feels as though my life is going along a nice path for a change, with things turning out nicely.
i also feel free as a bird, now that i have overcome certain feelings.
i'll stop now, rambling is painful to some to read.
goodnight.
:)

we hate the 837 bus

i just love her. she should be a model.

chilling with the kettle, as we do.

coz...we're cool like that.

as miss golightly was saying before she was RUDELY interrupted...

i am silently screaming at this moment, as of ten minutes ago i discovered that i had been HACKED.
the previous post, entitled "the best kid in the whole world" was not posted by me, it was an intruder.
fortunately, i have survived this crude violation of my privacy and inner sanctum of thought and am able to move on and continue blogging normally.

the best kid in the whole world

this is the part where you find out who you are.

here is a list:

friends vodka smiles blue eyes messy hair swings at the park jolfest peanut butter on choc chip cookies kettle wrapping paper plates music sweet music i miss you i love you summer's soon pressure time moving don't stop laughter tears i'm lost i'm changing everyone's changing you frustrate me no more chips vegetarians peppermint gum keep the receipts dance till you die horror films aren't that scary i think i am finally able to love you the right way typewriter jude law wood floors this kind of rhymes ten till four wave at the door don't go there anymore the end i have to make a tutu

a pink iced donut will not win my heart.

THIS IS MY HEART, NOW IT'S ON THE BOTTOM OF MY SHOE!

i love you.
but it's okay. because i can love you the right way now. almost.
life is lovely

The Beauty Of This World.

tonight, i discovered sheer brilliance.
a beauty so pure that it brings tears to my eyes in a way that nothing else can. a passion so palpable on the face of the artist that in witnessing such an expression i feel almost as though that passion is my own.

music...it is the antedote to blockage of creativity, the restorer of sanity to the chaotic lifestyle, the calming breeze that comes after a furious storm.

it is poetry that is beyond the limitations of the human language, words cannot express the sheer beauty that exists through the work of this genius.

and so i give kudos and much respect and admiration to Joe Hisaishi, because he is truly amazing.

"when you tell me i'm a wreck, you say that i'm a mess, how could you expect anything less?"

so what are my current overprocessed thoughts?








you, and only you.

bipolar

you're amazing yet you make me cry,
your obliviousness frustrates me to no end, yet at the same time gives me peace of mind.
that's a lie.
peace of mind...when was the last time that happened? i can scarecely remember, and yet it must have been only a few weeks ago...
how time flies when you're contemplating jumping off a bridge.
today i cried a lot, the tears were triggered by poetry, however not in the conventional way - that being the words of the poem were so beautiful that they impacted me emtionally - rather, my aversion to poetry became intensified and rekindled the dull ache that has been acquired of late.
i acknowledge that this post isn't particularly good, however as this blog is appropriately titled; 'a spillage of overprocessed thought', i thought it was fitting to blog at a time when my head is about to explode with thoughts bombarding me from every which way.
confused.
overwhealmed.
unable to write properly.
in a nutshell:

UGH!

disregard previous whinge. one word to describe my present state of being:

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!

the study room

i know you can't always get what you want, but this is getting ridiculous.
how much disappointment can a girl take?
i'm sick of plan a never working out.
i'm sick of waiting.
i'm sick of being let down.
i love you. why is this so hard?

you make me ridiculously happy.

"I sometimes find, and I am sure you know the feeling, that I simply have too many thoughts and memories crammed into my mind"

optimistic to the point of foolishness

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?

first of all i apologise for the lack in blog action over the last few days...it has seemed endless. secondly i apologise for the hideously incorrect formatting of this post. i can safely blame both of these issues on technical difficulties, which have caused me considerable frustration. in any case, the last few days have certainly been interesting, with strong winds, lots of rain, a pacman suit, pumpkin seed bread, amusing newspaper articles and music, sweet music.

i should not be blogging now, i am procrastinating as per usual, however here is an extract from the only semblance of creativity i have been able to pull together in quite a long time. since the event we won't mention occurred...

~Closing my eyes, I took a long, heavenly drag of my cigarette, the fifth – or was it sixth – for the afternoon. As the deliciously acrid smoke filled my lungs, bringing me sweet, temporary relief, the heartache and painful memories from the past few months grew more blurred, distant as though a dream that fades quickly the minute you wake up.~

and so on and so forth.

also, i would like to share some beautiful lyrics a friend wrote and was kind enough to share with me. he does not think much of them, but i happen to think that they are touching, they struck a chord in my heart, that's for sure...
~"This whole in my heart, is filling up
but only with Dead Memories
You were here just yesterday
But now I’m left only, with old stories"

"You’re Torturing Me…
You’re Torturing Me…
You’re Torturing Me…
With that Face"~

finally, i'd like to end with a picture of Saint Hepburn, more commonly known as Audrey Hepburn, for whom i have great respect and admiration. alas, due again to technical difficulties (read: i want to punch my computer in the screen), i cannot.
so instead i'll end on a quote:
"as Miss Golightly was saying before she was RUDELY interrupted..."

"You musn't give your heart to a wild thing. The more you do, the stronger they get, until they're strong enough to run into the woods or fly into a tree. And then to a higher tree and then to the sky. "

spread the love. share the simple beauty. taste the rain. remember the important ones. much love.

"let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure"

happy space.

ichiban ski na tomodachi.

tradition, year second.

kawaii



can moments like this please last longer?
if i focused on these memories i'd be so much stronger.
merriment abounded in abundance that day,
simple songs sung as though we were children again,
and we held hands as we skipped along our cheerful way.
a break in the storm, an island in a churning sea
that threatens to swallow us whole,
but for that one day, nothing could touch us,
and our worst concerns were dubious-looking green foam
in a throwaway cup, and the chance of missing our tram.
for too brief a moment, we were innocent once more,
but then that ended with the sliding shut of the glass train door.
i'll cherish this day.
***

a pinch and a punch? yeah.that hurt.

"i can't let go of what's in front of me..."
it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.
and usually, it's not you.
i can't even blame you, because you have no idea how i feel or how much it tears me apart that i can't have you.
what do i have to do to break you from your reverie and realise that i've been here forever, and will always be waiting?
should i give up? it's hard to do, given the circumstances.
pain and pleasure twisted together in a cruel whip of reality.
"so i lift my hands and pray to be only yours"

that night...was it a mistake, a game with our emotions hidden behind a smokescreen of mortal fatigue?

the memory is very much a nightmare tinged with love, or a dream tainted with pain...

"leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream." because it barely feels real.

External Hard-Drive

"You´re better then the best
I´m lucky just to linger in your life
Cooler then the flip side of my pillow that´s right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me
Lets me know that it´s ok yeah it´s ok
And the moments when my good times start to fade
You make me smile like the sun"

i discovered this song by accident in my itunes today and was pleasantly surprised. :) today was wonderful, the first day of spring hooray! although hardly spring weather... however the cherry blossoms are lovely. i had cake today...i really should be trying to eat healthier, i tell myself this everyday. but then, it's a special occasion, or i can't be bothered putting effort into making healthy food, or i need cheering up...and that bounty cake looked amazing. plus i shared it so therefore it does not count. HA.

a very kawaii person sang me a song today...it was quite lovely.
"aruko, aruko, watashi wa genki, aruko no daisuki, don don yu kou"
and so on and so forth. it reminds me of the simpler things in life, that often make me the happiest.
in the words of the Amazing and Beautiful Audrey Hepburn:
"happy girls are the prettiest"
...i have so much respect for that woman. she is truly inspirational.

for my girls:
it rained today, the weather was horrid,
but you made me laugh anyway.
they might think we're crazy but we don't care.
you honestly light up my day.
sometimes your presence is all i need,
i'm rhyming and it's so cliche
but i make no apologies because you won't let me,
in the summertime we'll make daisy chains, roll down hills and have grass fights.
because i just love you, and that's what we do.

on an end note:


"Don´t know how I lived without you
Cuz everytime that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile"

Jya, Ne. ex oh ex oh.