first, a thought;
"you can't want what you can't have and expect to get it." just etch that into your brain, or at least turn it over a few times. much appreciated.
secondly, a first for this blog i do believe. i am putting up for discussion (yes that requires people to comment and debate), a musing of mine. one that has been overprocessed within my thoughts for quite some time. said musing is as follows:
since around the end of the school term, nearish examination times, i have been experiencing a recurring dream of sorts, which varies in detail and pops up randomly, but is definitely identical in content every time.
i'll break it down to basics: (in colour because it's a dream)
setting: classroom, at my school or an adaptation of it.
characters: usually, myself and my literature teacher are the protagonists, also a smattering of classmates and on occasion, another teacher.
action: have just handed in an essay/completed a practise essay/had an essay handed back/consulting with teacher privately. teacher wears bone-chillingly grave expression, sometimes with a tinge of disgust, as he proceeds to reprimand me for being a terrible student, talentless, lazy, useless, will amount to nothing, et cetera. i have some kind of negative reaction ranging from tears to tantrums, bad emotions, end scene.
this is usually followed by me waking up, which is always a relief. as these dreams have continued long after i have finished high school, vce examinations and any related activity to this teacher, what i am throwing out into the cyber field of intelligentsia to discuss is this:
why am i having these dreams?
i'd really like to hear thoughts in response.
until then,
adieu.
ps. a disclaimer: the first thought is not indended to discourage, rather to educate those who have been gently nudged for too long and have not yet got the message.
okay, okay,
ReplyDeleteSo here's a few starting points that have come to my tired mind:
You shouldn't doubt yourself
You're worrying about not being good enough for something/ not feeling accepted
Could be concerned about future careers/ Uni selections
Also you may just be really fearful of that teacher
You really like the subject/ writing and fear you may not be good at it
Bleugh, I apologise, these are terrible suggestions but I need to go to bed. Anyhoodles, It's a start and I hope in some minute way it helps.
First of all, I believe you have concentrated so hard on school work and trying to achieve maximum potential that the sudden halt in this routine has caused it to shift to dreams where it can subsequently... turn into an extreme of either "an awesome outcome" or "a worst outcome". (long sentence *deeeeeep breath*)
ReplyDeleteWhy it is choosing the worst outcome, I dont know. But if you want advice I would create something new that inspires you. Create something. For example, write a book since you like writing and devote a week to this book and be enthused by it.
I'm with Bonfa.
ReplyDeleteSuddenly stoping this school routine and being in this bizzare post-VCE pre-uni acceptance limbo is messing with your head. You feel like you should be worrying/studying/stressing about doing well and you're not coz schools over and ur brain/subconscious is still in freakouts-school mode.
Maybe....hahaha
ftw
ReplyDeletei have not had one of these dreams since i posted this! therapy? i think yes. thanks guys
ReplyDelete