put a smile on your dial

in attempt to lift the mood of this blog, i've decided to start off by making a list of all the things i love right now.
i'm unsure as to whether or not this will become a regular thing, but i think that if it happens often enough, better spirits will be in existence all around.
so let's do it.

long, scalding hot showers.
forget-me-nots.
huge fuzzy slippers that render walking like a normal person impossible.
great music, such as that of the talented Boy & Bear, The Paper Kites, Agnes Obel, Jinja Safari, et cetera.
School Of Rock. for those who haven't seen it, you suck. go out and rent it and watch it. Jack Black. a bunch of adorable kids. rock music. some great one-liners.
"no you're not hardcore, unless you live hardcore. and the legend of the rent was way hardcore!"
wrapping christmas presents for other people
pina coladas
14-year friendships.
driving at 120 kph.
sleeping into whatever time i feel like.
talented 7-year-olds
shopping for baby clothes
whistling
mandolin music

the list goes on. but i'll stop there. love

dream maker, you heart breaker

your nimble fingers pluck and strum,
as melodies rise, my brain goes numb,
i cannot whistle, i can only hum,
it all feels insignificant, when i realise
how far i've yet to come.

lying back, the strings a-singing,
electricity down my back, my emotions clinging,
your eyes locked onto mine, sending my head spinning,
in unequal waves, confusion and clarity my thoughts are bringing

to my tired mind, you could say i'm an old soul,
but really i'm a mere infant, as you once called me before,
your contagious laughter erupts, your dimples appear,
i lean in to kiss one and i'm all too near,

this feeling painfully and wonderfully familiar,
i jumped right in to swim,
but now i've frozen. i watch you dozing,
how can you look so peaceful,
when my mind is a-flutter,
my headspace all clutter,
you can't tie a girl down
when she's determined to speak her heart,

i'm a fool to wear it on my sleeve,
i oft neglect my arms, and now i'm cold,
won't you share your warmth with me now,
as you did not so long ago... already it feels like an eternity.

to put it simply;
i miss you. i want it all back. please come back.

"And I bet if I had to do it all again, I'd feel the same pain"

the way i feel

"you left me feeling, tired, could not close my eyes. on fire, but frozen inside...speechless, my words could not melt. whisper, i wanted to shout. without you i felt, like a fleeting thought...like a last goodbye, like an incomplete lullaby."

"when the stars are the only things we share, will you be there?"

"I'll wait for the day when i find a way to make you mine."

"oh f*ck, he smiled at me now my heart just skipped a beat. and he listens and he makes me laugh now i'm wrapped in a blanket sheet."

i need to hear your voice
can't get you off my mind
my headspace is filled with your face
my thoughts forming tired rhymes
you hate cliches,
hate it when i generalise,
i only ever found honesty
in those intense blue eyes.
this wasn't meant to happen,
this wasn't my plan,
and as understanding as you are,
i really don't think you understand.
you're irritatingly right,
beautifully flawed,
innocently irresistable,
everything about you has me floored.
i don't want you to read this,
but you probably will,
and so again i fall short of you
in every way,
(this will make you smile your little boy grin, with those dimples i love)
ive stopped rhyming now,
you probably find my cliches painful.
please just promise me,
you'll return those dvds,
and let me return,
in some way, shape or form.
because if i could take it all back, these past hours,
with all my heart i would.

"well i am not so wise. not as profound as i would like. all i can do is try."

truth

there are people who care and people who don't
people who matter and people who won't
people who love you and let you love them
people who one day decide they never want to speak to you again.
people who assume and those who understand,
people who turn their backs, and others who take your hand.
people who let you in, and some that shut you out,
but the people who are worth it,
are the only people that from this day forward,
i want to think about.

flowers on the ceiling.

you try to act cold
but this charade's gotten old,
and now i've moved on,
i've been singing a new song
for some time now.


sorry, that's it for now. but consider this to be continued.
i just had to get it down somewhere.
its a bit shit, but i'm trying to get back into writing.
so there we go.
someone told me to 'get back on the horse'

2:47

fake a smile just fake it for a while,
those eyes see right through me,
my soul clear as mud. can't stand
your laugh so you better stand back
my charm fades to black,
the charade's over, that script has reached
its last page.
spotlight dims, spot the light that used to exist,
exit stage right, this hasn't felt right for
quite some time. it's all wrong, alright?
i admitted you won that fight.
now just leave me alone,
i'll sit
in the cold,
and write the end to this song.

how it should be

so, a good friend of mine told me a rather beautiful story, and i decided to put it up here, because i think it's how the world should be...

when i was in prep, there was only one girl in my class who wasn't caucasian - i think, she was indian, i honestly don't remember, which is kind of the point. anyway, her name was angela. on my sixth birthday mum asked me if i wanted to invite angela over because she seemed like a nice girl.
i asked which one angela was... mum told me she was the one with dark skin. and nothing. for the life of me, i hadn't noticed that in my entire classroom, maybe the entire school, there was one girl who looked noticably different to everyone else.
i didn't even realise that it was possible to make distinctions between people yet.

he then said, upon having told me this story...
and ever since then i've been appalled at the idea that people are sub-divided or split up in any way shape or form.

i just think that this is the way the world should be, viewed through the innocent, untainted eyes and heart of a child...

ohaiitharrr

so i know this is a tiny bit cliched.
but i haven't had a happy rant in a while on this blog, so why not.

so i have this friend, who is absolutely amazing.
i've only known her a few months, but it feels like forever.
she's my best friend, and in all seriousness one of the best i've had.
she's become my constant, my rock.
it sounds strange and might freak her out if she reads this. but i struggle to express just how much she means to me. she is a friend anyone would be lucky to have.

i think i'm lucky. i have so many amazing friends that i would do anything for. and they would do anything for me, too. it's comforting to have a support network like that. to know that someone is there for you.
friendship is a two-way street, and i'm so thankful that i have many who are willing to meet me at the intersection. (i'm not sure if that quite painted the picture i was going for, but whatever. it sounds cool. i don't do english/lit anymore, okay?)

friends are so important. more than we sometimes realise. too often, they are taken for granted. that should NEVER happen.

i once said, boys (as in love interests) don't break my heart. friends do.

this is a somewhat negative way of saying, that my friends mean more to me than anything.

i think more words will just take away from this. so goodnight.

buzzed.

You incapacitate me dear
You resonate in all I hear,
I’m captivated by your face,
I’m drawn to you like moth to a flame.
And now you’ve got me using tired clichés,
I hum through my nights and dance through my days.
Just thinking of when I can see you next,
Simplifies all that was once so complex,
My life divided into with and without,
Absence and presence,
But devoid of all doubt
Your soft lips feather over
My eyelids and cheeks
But you don’t whisper sweet nothings,
Because there’s no need to speak.
My senses are filled with your sensuous touch,
Sensations on the cusp of becoming too much
Trembling soul, quivering heart,
You’ve turned me into an earthquake that could break
The Richter chart
So draw me near and let me drown in your eyes
I’m yours to the end babe, and you’ll one day be mine.

inspiration comes from the strangest of places.

Alongside the highway
The sleepwalker roams
His travels have taken him
Far from his home
And yet, in his mind
He is safe in his bed
A warm blanket ‘pon him
A pillow ‘neath his head

i didn't know that jeeves had retired.

either i've become a dirty conformist in having google as my sole search engine, or i've been living under a rock for the past five years. but upon doing a little research for my assignment this evening, i discovered that Jeeves is no longer the face of popular search engine, now known as ask.com
apparently, Jeeves has been enjoying retirement since 2006. the things you discover when you're banned from facebook. i must say, the mind reels. (cheeky little Audrey quote there for you)

anyway, it seems that the creativity bug always bites when i don't need it to - to be specific, in the midst of assignment time. so here's what i've got today...

ps. ive been listening to gotye, tom milek, boy and bear, benjamin francis leftwich, and mindy gledhill. and of course, always, the ingenious ingenue, Norah Jones.


so yeah.
Destination in my head
Shoes on my feet
Who needs a map
When you follow your own
Beat?
Beating heart
my only company
I never used to walk alone
It was you who decided
You didn’t need
Me
Turned my back
You showed me how
Consistent pulse
Is all I rely on
Now
Sun on my back
Rocks in my shoes
Cicada calls for jazz
Birdsong for the blues
Life is a game
Of tic, tac, toe
One person claims it all
And there’s nowhere for the other
To go

try to imagine a kind of raw, acoustic plucking thing going on with the music. very guttural but "considerably less angsty" than rock, as apparently Indie Pop is defined according to wikipedia. cheers.

latest.

i know, i know. it's been ages. clearly, i am procrastinating right now. as per usual.
anyway

vulnerable must be your specialty.
seducing me with pretty words
and things.
purple flowers in my room
i lied about where they came from
and lied about my whereabouts
when you saw me
without my clothes
on.
exposed to the
soul. i let you pour
your own into me. my sense of self
overflowed. and spilled out onto cheap tiles
you smile and my heart cracks
as i wonder how
i'm going to let you go.

oopsies.

ok so i crafted a deliciously long post intended for this blog and those who might appreciate it, and accidentally posted it on my other blog. apologies. it is late. so rather than go through the painful process of re-typing it, as for some reason this does not allow me to copy and paste, i shall direct you to where the post in question is located, so you can read and review at your leisure. this is not a hoax.

http://minuteaoffabulous.blogspot.com/

long time...

what a dreadful cliche is that which drove me to finally, FINALLY, returning to my beloved blog, after so many months of inexcusable neglect. and so first and foremost, i shall apologise. gomennasai. which is japanese for i'm sorry. (informal)

second, a list, which shall serve as an update of my overprocessed thoughts as of late, as well as hopefully, offer something for you all to dip your toes into, and try at least twice.
Noah and the Whale
Raspberries and Yogurt
John Hughes films
chick-lit
road-tripping
exploring the Dandenongs
Lindt hot chocolate and vanilla chai lattes
the city after hours
the city the morning after one too many tequila shots
the city in general
The Jack Roller

and of course, i have to include something on the list which i would advise you all to stay very far away from - the 'who cares less' game.

unfortunately, this warning is perhaps too little too late, and we have probably all fallen prey to this ridiculously self-destructive game. it requires no explanation, for most of us are familiar with it, and as for those who fortunately are not, the name says it all. this twisted, toxic aspect of courtship, for want of a more modern word, is the thing that causes me to fall into a black mood despite the hours upon hours of Immense Fun that has been had, and sadly it is a highly addictive, stupidly unavoidable trap into which we all must stumble at some point in our lives. so for those who have not yet experienced it, my advice is to tread carefully and be on your guard.

but now i feel like i have something in my eye, and slumber is calling. goodnight.

I still believe Pluto to be a planet...

and this. is why i love. the wombats.

do unto others...

okay, ignore me. that's cool. but if that's how it was going to be, you should have told me in advance. that way, i wouldn't have bothered wasting my thoughts on you. oh but don't worry about me, i'm fine. because i'm never going down that road again.
lesson learned: don't give more than you know you're going to get, where your thoughts are concerned.

i hope so.

it's the end of discussions that just go round and round...

and round and round and round...

i want to move out
I want to move out.
i.want.to.move.out
iwanttomoveout
I.WANT.TO.MOVE.OUT.
I.Want.To move OUT.
i want to move out i want to move out i wantomove out...

from hereon in, that shall be my goal. along with a few others...

i never knew i was one either...

this just makes me happy...

lightbulb moment...

so today i was contemplating the great mysteries of life, as i often do... (*cough*) and i stumbled upon an epiphany of sorts. people often complain that we generation Y-ers have a habit of over-sharing. the need to share every detail of our lives with the world, and then some. and while this occurs mostly via facebook, twitter, tumblr, blogspot, SMS, et cetera, it occurred to me that probably the reason we are like this is because we have been brought up that way. at least partially so, we are in fact a product of our environments.

most people out there would have partaken in 'show and tell' at school, where we were encouraged to bring in items from our personal lives (well, as personal as a personal life can be when you're five) and talk to the class about why the item was important in our lives, etc etc. and answer questions that people may have asked about said item. then there was the song by playschool, 'how do you feel today' which encouraged young children to express their emotions.

and of course, diaries. i don't know if other schools did this, but my primary school, from prep right through to grade four, involved diary-writing between parents and students. so, once a week or whatever it was, we had to write to an assigned parent (not our own) about what we'd been up to as of late, and they were to write back. we were, in effect, encouraged to share details of our daily lives with near strangers.
oh, and who could forget the family dinners (which probably still take place for some) during which our parents would ask us, 'so tell us about your day?', or, 'what was the highlight of your day?'

and so, there you have it. the many ways in which our generation has been raised to be over-sharers. now i have to go update my facebook status. byebye.

my huckleberry friend

take me back.

missing it all.

the people

the moments

the laughs

especially the people.

when failing feels like an option

i need. to focus. FOCUS.

but i can't. why? it would be completely out of order to blame any single person other than myself. this is true, and i know it.
but.
WHY?

i was doing fine. i was motivated, i was loving life, i was content. and then you happened. and now my world is spinning out of control again, my mind blurs and my thoughts are you, you, you, a thousand times over, processed and analysed and imagined and replayed and real. i want you i want you i want you. why is it in my nature to be so dependant on another? i hate this. i consider myself to be an individual, an independant, i am a cat and i walk. by. myself. i'm supposed to be strong, someone who can define herself without needing the reaffirmations of others. so why does that all come crashing down with a single, beautiful, starry night? and then a couple more to follow. why does everything have to be so wonderful with you, and when you're gone, it's near torture. perhaps i'm a little dramatic, but really. this. is. ridiculous.

where can i find some peace of mind? a piece of my mind? you stole it. just don't steal my heart, too.

'one good pop song from the 90s'

diversity.

damn, it's too small to make a point. what i was getting at was, my facebook newsfeed told me that 3 of my friends shared a link. it was the youtube lady gaga 'judas' video. one posted it as 'the epitome of art and design; inspiration.' a second said to her friend, 'watch the dance moves...we're learning this...' and a third posted it as part of the 30 day song challenge as his least favorite song. ahh, diversity.

wise words.

ok, so you can't read it. but it says: "i mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but i will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. - Martin Luther King Jr. "

Ira.

someone made this video for a school project. the talent of some people amazes me. thought i'd share.

raw

it's a work in progress, so don't be too harsh...but feedback appreciated. i'm only just now maybe making a return to writing such as this...
enjoy?

so he locked his windows and locked me out of his life
and i drank myself a river of tequila and (sweet?) wine
i float in shadows/puddles when it's raining but when the sun doth shine
i walk barefoot through the morning just to listen to him cry

oh why? why does he cry?
he got everything he wanted,
he wanted our goodbye
so why? why why?
why does he cry?

forty days and endless nights the hurricanes blew swiftly out of sight
and i huddled in my basement all alone but for a mouse to share my fright
the wind blew memories through the trees and i found string from our lost kite
do you remember when you made it and told me that we could fly?

darling why, is it that i cannot cry?
for the dreams we threw away,
the dreams that are no longer mine
so why? why why?
why don't i cry?

do you recall the quiet riverbanks, side by side we used to lie, we whispered and we heard the willows sigh
and i asked you if you'd always love me and you said that if you ever didn't you would always try...
but now all you do is cry.


there you have it. unfinished, choppy and unsure in places, but it's there.

nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

thinking of him...

so how talented is my friend?

in keds and tube socks

i just love this song. but on a sidenote, who else thinks that noel looks like a serial killer? especially when she asks him to go to iron maiden with her

still i wonder...

i hate to be a whiner. but i am just so sick of judgemental people.
people who think it's fun and amusing to ridicule others for their life choices, opinions, beliefs, etc. last night i was berated about my choice of diet (vegetarian), and my faith and religious practices (christian, go to church). the comments made in regards to my vegetarianism were the most vulgar, not to mention immature and offensive, that i have heard in relation to being a vegetarian, and i do get quite a few comments now and then. i won't repeat what they were and the people saying them probably only meant them in fun but they actually made me quite upset, more so because of the ignorance behind them than anything else. but also because i was just so frustrated by the situation - that people who i really thought were my friends, who claim to be my friends, would say such insensitive, stupid things to me about my lifestyle, just because they could. do they not realise how offensive they were being? how judgemental and ignorant they made themselves sound? did they ever stop to consider how they would feel if i made similarly horrible comments about some of their lifestyle choices?

i think the answer to all of the above is probably no. either that, or they didn't care, which is rather sad if you ask me.

i believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, beliefs, et cetera. however. if this is a free world in which we are all entitled to live our lives the way we want to, believe what we choose to believe and all the rest, then does there not need to be a level of respect for the differences of others? and furthermore, if one does choose to dispute or question another's choices, is it not reasonable to ask that they at least back up their questions and/or disuputes with valid, justifiable reasons as to why? i mean, instead of just shutting people down because you don't agree with them. i would have thought, as university students and young adults with a decent level of intelligence, we would be able to maturely discuss things now, rather than pointlessly ridicule, reject and alienate those we call our friends.

well, i guess if that's the way some people choose to live their lives, i should accept that. however what i won't do is apologise for who i am, and i suppose the solution to this predicament is to make MY own choice to not spend time with those who can't accept who i choose to be. i think considering that i accept and respect the choices and beliefs of others, with the exception of when they decide to treat me with disrespect for no apparent reason, that this is not an unreasonable conclusion to reach.

if anyone wishes to dispute me, feel free. after all, it's your choice. no apologies.

every day i'm shuffling...

so university life....
it's entirely different from anything i have experienced in my nineteen years of being, and i cannot express how much i love it. also, how much things have changed in these short few months...

friendships have shifted quite dramatically, and those who remained constant are somewhat unexpected, but most appreciated and loved.

those with whom i now feel at odds, well...let's just say i'm not too terribly surprised.

there are a few however, who i thought i wouldn't grow apart from, at least not for a while. but sadly, it seems that i have, for whatever reason. and so i have my constants, and the new friends that i love surprisingly a lot, and then the renewed/revived friendships, which are all amazing. and then there's those who faded suddenly into the distance, and others who were never meant to remain. it's sad in a way.

it reminds me of autumn. autumn is the somewhat unpopular transition from summer to winter (i love autumn actually, a lot of people don't though), a time in which some things fade away, some disappear suddenly, and some remain to tough it out through the winter. evergreen trees are great like that. consistent, resilient, there to provide when all the other trees have shed their leaves and faded away. yes, it's a bit of a lame nature metaphor, but i think it does sum up the point i'm trying to make.

anyway,
new friends are amazing.
old friendships renewed are even better.
the ladies' at parties/clubs is the best place to meet people.
never underestimate the bonding power of getting ready to go out with a friend.
metaphors relating to cheese are genius.
always listen to your constant/s, they're usually right.
don't apologise for being you.

quests for a cobb loaf, tequila and wine...

sexy nerds.

adorable, just quietly.

a special day

discoveries

helping the ones who mean the most

they will follow in the footsteps of true love

some of them want to use you

new girl crush.

'too good'

severing ties. painful concept as it is, however sometimes it's something that just needs to happen. some people are not meant to be your friends for life. many we'd be better off without. there are quite a few, if we're totally honest, that we never really enjoyed being friends with in the first place. those that are more painful than enjoyable to spend time with, those around whom you feel as though you are walking on eggshells. those whose moods can never be predicted, where the slightest incorrect move could propell you into a place you'd rather not go. why do we condone these people's behaviour, allow them to treat us the way they do, even though if it were anyone else, we'd most definately not tolerate it? instead of answering the above questions, i'd prefer to move onto the nitty-gritty, which is the cold hard fact that, we need to come to the realisation that these people have more cons than pros, and that they'll only ever bring us down. therefore, we are better off without them, and should probably burn our bridges so that we can continue to live life in a better place than we are in when these people are a part of our company. yes, it's a depressing topic, but it needs to be dealt with, and it's not one that can be dealt with in a much better way than this. if you beat around the bush, you'll only prolong the pain. some people will never admit their wrongs, never apologise and mean it, never cease to hurt or frustrate us. so it's time to let go.

as the deer

religion is beautiful. that was my discovery for the day.

and by religion, i mean ALL religion. or should i say, faith.

yes, faith.
religion is a human interpretation of faith that too often turns ugly and rigid, and gives nothing but bad reputations and judgement. attracts more negative attention than positive. does more harm than good. but faith is beautiful. perhaps i should explain myself. over the last two weeks in my sociology lectures at university, we have been watching a documentary that looks at the way in which a variety of different faith groups have responded to the global environmental crisis.

despite the differences of these faiths - from christians to muslims, buddhists to jews - they share the same intrinsic values and beliefs, and a relatively common goal, that creation is sacred and should therefore be treated with respect and dignity. all of these faiths believe in creation, and believe that it is our duty as humans to take care of it. the way in which these different faith groups came together as a community to care for the environment and attempt to do their part to restore some of the damage that has been done to the earth is simply inspiring to see. what also struck me about these people of faith was the peace and contentedness they appeared to have, with themselves, one another and with the world.
they clearly get this inner peace from their faith, which is all the more reason the believe that it is real. i do not believe that mere human emotion, which is erratic and more often than not negative, can give one such peace, such happiness, and such compassion. ditto for human intelligence, which is too often overestimated. no, this peace, this happiness, this compassion, they have to come from something greater than us. i believe that these come from faith, from God.

on another note, what also stood out to me about these people was their acceptance of others, no matter their beliefs or their background. this particlar acceptance and diversity struck a chord with me because on my own personal faith journey at present, i have been drifting, and also questioning. not all of this is good, especially the drifting, but i am continually holding onto my original beliefs, those of christianity, but what is growing stronger is the respect i have held for most of my life, a respect for anyone of any faith, especially in our 'ultramodern' society, where secularisation is taking over, and 'religion', as those of non-faith like to call it, is becoming less the norm. i think that a strong belief in something is what keeps us going in tough times, what comforts us. faith is the source of compassion, love, peace and respect for others and for the world around us. humans are inherently selfish, but faith keeps us in check of our selfishness. not to say that those of non-faith, the unsure or the believers in science and logic (not to say that faith and logic cannot co-exist!) are selfish or lacking in peace, compassion etc. i just think that with faith, we have something to hold onto. humans all have what i (as a christian) like to call 'the God-shaped hole' inside.

that void in all of us that keeps us searching for something more, some meaning to life, some sort of longing. we seek it out in every aspect of our lives, in affection, in other people, in consumer products, in experiences, in education, wealth, occupations, the list goes on. and while all these things have their place in our lives, i believe, and i am sure others can identify with this, that this particular void can only be truly filled with faith. while many critique those of faith, calling us 'naive' or 'deluded', i fail to see why. what's wrong with having a little faith, something to believe in? and furthermore, what's wrong in wanting to share this faith with others, to attempt to point the ones we love in the direction that will fill that void in their lives? is it not natural to want our friends and family to be happy as we are? and so i challenge all of you, whatever your personal beliefs may be, wherever you are searching. take a leap of faith.

before saddle shoes were 'in'

it is my greatest desire, to do this on a uni bus. who's with me? flashmob time anyone?

nerves racked, worth it.

just something amazing my friend made...

masochistic rats

so today, after i finally recieved my coffee and muffin, having devoured my muffin and then decided that it wasn't such a smart purchase after all (QUEASY), i was exiting my favorite place to eat on campus, aka the weirdly shaped purple building, when a notice posted on the window caught my attention. it was an advertisement - similar to one of many like it found at university - calling for student participants for a research study. however what set this particular notice apart from others surrounding it, and indeed any other research study advertisement i had seen before, was the topic of research that required participants. this unique notice read as follows: "participants wanted for research study examining why students do not want to participate in research studies - if you do not wish to participate, please tell us why" ah. refreshing, no? i have no idea whether this was a serious advertisement or someone's witty idea of a joke, but it pretty much made my day. also, it helped me to forget for a moment the QUEASINESS that the rather bad choice of a muffin for my mid-morning snack elicited. so whoever that person may be who composed that notice and posted it where i could read it, thankyou. ps. i do quite regret neglecting my poor blog, however, free time is not something that i am able to come by easily these days. however i have not disappeared from the blogging realm, so watch this space for a rather lengthy rant, which will arrive when i have a moment to spare. ciao for now.

my poor, neglected blog.

judgement. unfair standards. backstabbing. deceit. selfishness. disrespect. ignorance. and i think to myself... what a wonderful world.

i refuse to apologise for living my life, i'm no different to anyone else, why is it that those who have been mostly good, get judged the minute they start to go bad?

who says its even bad? who are they to judge between right and wrong? that right does not belong to them. i believe that. i still believe. and while we're there, condescending is not attractive. so give it up. hypocrisy runs deep in the veins of they who love to judge.

but note this: i never said i was flawless. so don't crucify me for that which you were once guilty of yourself.

"this song ironically makes my day" i hope it makes your day too

i never SAID it was my fault. okay?
why must there always be someone to lay the blame on?

can you and me save the city? i thought that we promised we would.

up and up you go...

...and next to his heart, to be loved by him

those nights that make our heads spin.

it's moments like these, that make me realise just how lucky i am.

i'm glad you know i'm not from nebraska.

stockings ripped all up the sides...

i find i procrastinate way too much. i become increasingly lazy day by day, just sitting, wasting time, letting the world pass me by. i hope this ends soon. there is so much to do these days, and not enough motivation to do the things there are to do. (bad sentence)
perhaps when my life starts back up again for real, education will create work for my idle hands. i am finding my new life, which is yet to start properly, vastly different from the previous thirteen years of schooling. i had no idea until now, just how much of a shock to my system it is to break from the routine that i was only partially aware of being caught up in. hopefully soon, i shall develop new, comfortable routines, and familiarity will be restored to my life once more. or perhaps familiarity ends with the silver spoonfeeding and handholding that was high school, and i'll have to become a person of change, as someone presumably wise said today. as for the lack of handholding, i find comfort in the amount of support being offered to me. i just have to kick the laziness, and get myself the support i may need. because there are no more silver platters on my horizon. which i suppose is good, in a way. we all need to grow up eventually. i wish i didn't have to sometimes. it'd be nice to be like peter pan...

"someday, if we're both pushing 30 and single, and our body clocks are ticking, i'll marry you."

i'm not sure why i refuse to eat, while my head spins and my heart pounds to a non-existent beat. and i really hope i don't begin again the same way as before, first the window, then it's to the floor. organisation has never been my strong point, and my first impressions nearly always disappoint, hence why my motto is try everything at least twice, because your first encounter with another person won't show you what they're like. that's just my advice.

what do you do when it all falls apart?

falling. one of life's greatest ways of kicking you in the stomach and making you feel worse than you could ever imagine feeling. falling means failure, hurt, humiliation, loneliness, and a few other things. i have been falling for quite some time. i used to constantly fall in love, with people and places and words. falling in love with people hurts a lot, as i'm sure most people are aware of. i don't really need to go into that. falling in love with places and words is less painful, but it does suck when those places or words disappoint you by not turning out to be what you thought, or disappear. or sometimes you ruin it for yourself, and that sucks even more than if it's not your fault.

falling physically is pretty bad also. recently, i fell down some stairs whilst intoxicated. it wasn't fun at all. it was embarrassing, and it really hurt. i have a lovely cut on my shin to remind me of that now. i also fell onto a person on the train yesterday, which was bad because they were none too impressed. which is perfectly understandable.

but the worst kind of falling is the metaphorical kind, the emotional, the psychological. the feeling that the world is caving in around you, or that everyone else is moving forward and loving it, and you're left behind, confused and alone. frustrated and a little sad. you feel like you haven't a friend in the world, and when you really need a shoulder to cry on, there's none available. because your usual shoulders are taken by others, or too busy being dry and enjoying life to be soaked with tears.

my intention is not to alienate or accuse. i am thankful every day of the week and twice on sundays for my amazing friends, and how they are always there for me and put up with me. at the risk of sounding a bit cliche, i just love my friends. i don't think i could get from A to B without them. i just wish i sometimes stopped to think instead of doing stupid things that make me hurt for days on end after. because it's not even worth it half the time. here's hoping my personal raincloud goes away sometime soon. because apparently, the world is my oyster. pah, we'll see.

lovely lyrics

"driving away from the wreck of the day and i'm thinking 'bout calling on Jesus. 'coz love doesn't hurt so i know i'm not falling in love i'm just falling to pieces..."

"2 am and i'm still awake writing a song if i get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to. and i feel like i'm naked in front of a crowd 'coz these words are my diary screaming out loud and i know that you'll use them however you want to"

"armed with this small butterfly net only, i will face the world alone and never be lonely. so calm that wicked wind, and if you go, you could be gone forever. i will play awhile here by and by and by and by"

"though i'd like to look down at the earth from above, i would miss all the places and people i love, so although i might like it for one afternoon, i don't want to live on the moon."

"sure, i've got pictures of my own of all the people and the places that i've known. here's one i'm carrying your suitcase out of alphabet city."

"i would choose the darkest horse, that's the horse i'd ride. the stables would be shadowy and we'd start the race behind. they'd take their feet and toss their hats and yell out in surprise. you wouldn't need binoculars, you'd see it with your own two eyes."

"will you tell me what you saw and i'll tell you what you missed, when the ocean met the sky. you missed when time and life shook hands and said goodbye."

"the ocean breathes salty, won't you carry it in? in your head, in your mouth, in your soul. and maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both grow old. well i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i hope so."

craving veggie tempura.

so, i saw this absolutely hilarious notebook that is just so appropriate for me it's not funny. only er, it is kind of funny. i only wish i'd had the sense to take a photo of it...
*wistful sigh*
you wonderful typo notebook you, we shall soon be together! as soon as i get myself to a typo store near me, anyway.
to cut a long blog post short, the notebook in question is a delightfully witty item that uses expletives in a delightful, endearing way. the words on the front of this notebook read as follows: "f**k you and your blog"

charming, no?

this notebook has now been added to the alarmingly fast-growing list of things i must have. gosh, i really need to become less materialistic, or marry rich.

your lips are moving but all i hear is...

BLAH...BLAHH...BLAH.

and then some.
awwh, cheese and whiskers! nobody cares and no one wants to hear it, the sound is grating and penetrates the skull in a most unpleasant way, and that look on your face like you've just stepped in cat vomit, and we haven't even gotten to your insistence that you seem to know it all - even the stuff that you are yet to discover. i suppose you could be psychic, but i don't buy into that sugar honey iced tea so that excuse wouldn't work for me anyway. - speaking of tea, i am in love with the strawberry flavoured iced tea at tea two, and one day hope to own one of their beautiful tea sets. note to self: must start drinking tea so that i can justify buying pretty patterned tea pots. but i digress.

where were we? oh, right. please, stop, talking. i cannot name names but in my mind there is a very clear picture of the intended recipient for this message. and seeing as this is where a lot of the things from my mind end up - a catchment for thoughts, if you will (considering it has been pouring with rain i thought i might throw in some water imagery) - i am thinking this is the appropriate place to vent my current frustrations, which i have harboured for quite some time. back to whom it should concern... when you speak, it more oft than not sets people's teeth on edge, and makes them want to commit semi-violent acts. or at least tell you to firme la bouche. or le bouche. i don't really speak french, so i stand corrected on that phrase. please remember, you are entitled to your own opinion, but you don't always have to voice it, and if you really must, please voice it as just that - an OPINION. and on that note, others are entitled to opinions also. so stop, in the name of love, before i break your face. just kidding. but seriously, you need to cease and desist with the tone of voice which conveys that you are of the belief that the words that come out of your mouth are the be-all and end-all of polite conversation, and try very hard to get out of the habit of shooting others down with that ever-annoying 'no...' when they dare to contradict you.

it's not polite, it's not endearing, it's downright unattractive and will lose you friends fast, especially in the chapter of your life that you are about to enter into.

while i am all for healthy debate, and power to you for having such strong opinions, there is a fine line between opinionated and pig-headed. please remember this, and perhaps get a prescription for some glasses if you find you are struggling to see this line.
thankyou.

now, on a happier note, a list of things that are lovely and that in my humble opinion (see what i did there?), should be tried at least twice.

- vegetable tempura
- flavoured iced tea
- music of an unfamiliar genre
- rollerblading
- measuring people's heads with a tape measure whilst on a train
- an activity outside of your comfort zone/usual interests
- viewing a live performance such as a ballet, opera or play
- a tv show/movie in a different language. japan has some great ones, i strongly reccomend deathnote, nana and swing girls.

ciao for now.

check, mate ;)

impressive, no?

You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.

just casually chilling with a wiggles bandaid over my nozzie piercing ;)

now, to sing a song:

last night i had the strangest dream, i sailed away to china in a little rowboat to find ya, and you said you had to get your laundry cleaned. didn't want no one to hold you what does that mean? and you said

ain't nothing gonna break my stride,et cetera

... you're on the road and now you're plain as gone. the road behind was rocky, but now you're feelin cocky, you look at me and you see your past. is that the reason why you're running so fast? and you said...

go on, finish it. i know you want to. ;)

ps, i would probably marry most of the cast of Inception. maybe not all at once. leo di caprio is still amazing, joseph gordon-levitt is the best, and ellen page is just...wow.

I wish i had some more thai instant rice.

"changes, changes, everywhere. but if you sit and stare you stay the same....so sit and stare.....you stay the same....so sit and stareeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......CHANGE!!"

ahh, childhood. this song was one that stuck with me from the days of play school, when the show was actually good and they had all the original cast like monica and noni. not that annoying justine woman who sings crappy kid's songs. anyway, the reason it floated into the recesses of my mind, was because there have been and will continue to be a lot of changes in my life at the moment. i've finished school for EVER, and am about to start uni, people keep telling me i can do whatever i want. i've had my nose pierced and my hair cut, and i'm open to trying new things. i guess, to use a cliche, the world is my oyster.

or perhaps not. we'll see.

it's kind of exciting, and slightly more than a little scary, how wide open everything is for me at present. no one really tells me what to do anymore, or what decisions to make. it's all me. i frequently am asked 'what do you want?' the funny thing is, when i was younger i used to long for the time when i could do whatever i want, free to make my own choices. but now that time is here, and i don't know if i like it all that much. sometimes i'd much rather people tell me what to do, and make my decisions for me. life would be a little easier if it worked that way. but it doesn't, and i suppose we all have to grow up sooner or later. *sigh* maybe i'll fly away to neverland and never grow up, like peter pan.

the second star to the right and straight on til morning...

m' darling.

it's always lovely to have feedback, and the positive kind is just a bonus.

love all around.

i fall in love with personalities, and with conversations. no, that's not quite right. i think i fall in love with words. i am forever reading the words of others, because the thought, or lack thereof, behind the words that people take the time to put down on paper to to type, is truly beautiful. perhaps that's why i fall in love so often.

because i love words

something lovely a friend of mine wrote. to read it properly, go to http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1B8YXl/www.writesomething.net/post/928211/

I just came to say hello

first of all, a shout-out to BizzareBonfa for mentioning my blog on his blog - which is fiercely controversial and sparks fiery debate, so if you like that, i recommend you check out his blog - forkinmigoreng.blogspot.com

secondly, the song that titles this post is absolutely revolting and annoying, and further proves a previously made point of mine (see 'Barbra Streisand') that songwriting is dead. or at least, near extinction. which is quite sad, i think.

thirdly, spontaneity is a beautiful thing.
here's a list, which is what i happen to spontaneously be in the mood for at present...

going all out in dressing for an occasion, such as sporting australian flag fake tats in public on aussie day.
voguing. anytime, anywhere, to any song, or better yet, to no music at all.
dancing in the rain.
spur-of-the-moment picnics, day trips, or adventures in the lesser-explored areas of your suburb.
blowing bubbles on the train.
compliments to strangers.
unplanned slumber parties.
brunch.
giving gifts for no apparent reason.
singing along to your ipod in public.
ditto bursting out laughing at an amusing section in your book/magazine and getting weird looks.
finding a family of kittens living underneath a building.
ditching school, just once, 'ferris bueller's day off' style.
flash mobs.
making friends in a bathroom, or on a bus.

the list goes on. try one of these things out sometime, completely spontaneously, or anything for that matter. sometimes the best moments in life are unplanned.

disclaimer: if you plan to be spontaneous, it kind of defeats the purpose. the message i was aiming to get across is to embrace spontaneity. that is all.

temptation at its best.

tempting, no?

"whatever happened to chivalry? does it only exist in 80's movies? i want john cusack holding a boombox outside my window. i want to ride off on a lawnmower with patrick dempsey. i want jake from sixteen candles waiting outside the church for me. i want judd nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. just once, i want my life to be like an 80's movie. preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. but no, no, john hughes did not direct my life."

I like it when you talk, talk.

Anecdote time.

I'm not entirely sure and i could be completely crazy but i think i may have met an angel. or something. Riding the train home from the single most disappointing and confusing event in my educational career, feeling thoroughly miserable, this woman dressed all in white with a few random hairs on her chin sits down next to me and tells me i have 'beautiful hair'. she then proceeds to engage me in conversation about my hair, is it hard to manage, etc, and soon we move onto discussing university and TAFE, and the pro's and cons of both, decisions about the future, personality tests, and finally we arrive on the subject of her faith. she alludes briefly to her faith journey and asks me if i go to church. i wonder vaguely if she is an evangelist launching random 'attacks' on people and if she has been building up to this part of the conversation the whole time she's been sitting next to me. we arrive at the next station which is apparently her stop, so she tells me to take care and that it was nice to meet me. i return the pleasantries and am left feeling somewhat calmer and less likely to burst into tears of frustration. also strangely, i am left with the desire to go to church for the first time in what...
i can't even remember, that's how long it's been since i've gone to church. probably Christmas eve. maybe this woman was sent by God to calm me and nudge me in the right direction, to getting my life back on track or whatever. maybe this was a freaky coincidence. maybe she was drunk or unstable. but somehow i don't think the latter 'maybe' is true. perhaps she really was a guardian angel of sorts. i don't think i'll ever learn exactly why this woman chose to speak to me, of all people sitting alone on the train, or who she was or where she was from.
just something i think is worth blogging about...

"love thy neighbour..."

a little less conversation, a little more action, please.

i am so sick of nobody ever being able to give me a simple yes/no answer. there must always be considerations, arguments, the same tired lines repeated a thousand times over. why do we always have to talk about everything, hash out every tiny detail before a decision is made? if we were all more impulsive in our decision-making, the world would be an easier place to live in. yes, it's important to weigh up options and take into consideration any and all implications of our actions, but to what end? it seems that many of us have gotten to the point where all we do is talk but we never make decisions, we never take actions, we never just DO. and so we fall into the trap of doing nothing, which always sucks, because it makes us feel useless which in turn makes us depressed, and we're also bored and lonely and so we get frustrated and frustration leads to anger and anger eventually leads to world wars and nobody likes it when that happens.

to be continued...

take it or leave it

the sun forgot about us

by & by & by & by

just, sheer perfection. music is heartbreakingly beautiful.

barbra streisand

afternoon all,
there hath been several thoughts silently screaming in my overprocessing psyche for quite a while, and i believe that the time is now ripe for said thoughts to be voiced. or rather, typed. it has come to my attention (and i'm sure i am not the only one), that in the world of mainstream music, songwriting is dead. or rather, writing of songs that are comprised of more than a few sentences of lyrics that get repeated over and over again amidst some repetetive beats and a simple tune. whilst such songs are catchy and enjoyable to dance to, and can make social gatherings such as parties and clubbing/pubbing rather fun, i wonder if this slightly troubling trend in the music world is cause for concern. because mainstream music never used to be like this, for example in the 90's and early 'noughties'. example one, a song that inexplainably is one of my favorites and will always be so,
'Break My Stride' by Unique II. though i am sure you are all familiar with this amazingly catchy song, i will recite a few lyrics:

"last night i had the strangest dream. i sailed away to china, in a little rowboat to find ya, and you said you had to get your laundry cleaned. didn't want no one to hold you, what does that mean? and you said..."

we all know the rest. *breaks out into chorus, dancing like a total dork* now this is just my opinion, but is it not a truly wonderful song? it tells a story, it has some great original lyrics AND a catchy tune. compare that, to what the cool kids are listening to these days, exhibit B, 'Barbra Streisand'

"Barbra Streisand woooooooooo woooooooo wooooooo etc" and repeat... about 89367326476243 times. well maybe that's a tad exaggeration. but you get the gist.

anyway, i would love to flesh out this argument more, but right now my silently screaming overprocessed thoughts have been satisfied, and i have to bake cookies and clean the house, like a true housewife in the making.

i love the nineties, and german boy bands

ciao for now.

oh ps, have a think about that haha i'd love to hear thoughts in response

i need to escape from myself.

i got skillz XD

these babies tasted even better than they look.
so i guess, if all else fails,
i'd make a pretty bangin' housewife.
hmmm, i wonder if you could put 'excellent sandwich-making skills'
on a resume, in order to improve the chances of being hired
by a male...
something to ponder.

"i whip my hair back and forth i whip my hair back and forth"

a declaration of sorts.

I, Meg,
known to those in the bloggesphere as silent screamer,
hereby declare on this day of the 11th of January, 2011, that i will inform Jake Pattison by the way of text message, the very moment that i engage in any kind of same-sex intimate activity, should said event occur.
this is a gentlemen's agreement, and therefore must not be broken.
bearing witness to this declaration is aforementioned gentleman, Jake Pattison, in addition to those who faithfully follow this blog.
HUZZAH!

mail me a smile

i recieved this peculiar little fellow in the mail a few days ago, a gift from a faraway friend who is living proof that geographical proximity does not always a genuine friendship make. not to say that those friends of mine that live nearer to me aren't great friends (they really are), only that in this world, true altruism still exists in the rarest and most unexpected of forms. this particular friend from whom i recieved the delightful pencil case pictured used to make me laugh till i cried when we were in school together, and the fact that she thought of me when she happened across this relic of our gleeful times spent together brought a smile to my dial when i opened the bubble-wrap-padded envelope. in short, it made my day. and by the way, sneezing is a lot less fun when you become prone to random nosebleeds.

i wish to be a dorklord. but a cute one, with knee-high socks and a vintage backpack. i love little cartoon fruit people. they make me smile.

quite frankly, a proud moment in my life.

i have not yet decided upon a new year's resolution, however i have made it one of my goals to learn to play chess. as i have not yet found a willing mentor, i have been playing the occasional game of computer chess, and have not won a single game. that is, until now. on this morning of the 3rd of January, 2011, i have won my very first game of chess against my very intelligent computer. and i screenprinted the end result as evidence. (I'm white)

been a while.

first, i have to say that i am deeply sorry for having neglected my poor blog for so long...no christmas or new years posts at all. i feel truly terrible. i was going to post on christmas day, but i couldn't think of non cliche stuff to write so i just opted out. (i have always wanted to say that!) anyway, happy christmas and merry new year, i hope everything was cheer-filled and bubbly. now, down to business.
first, a thought;

"you can't want what you can't have and expect to get it." just etch that into your brain, or at least turn it over a few times. much appreciated.

secondly, a first for this blog i do believe. i am putting up for discussion (yes that requires people to comment and debate), a musing of mine. one that has been overprocessed within my thoughts for quite some time. said musing is as follows:
since around the end of the school term, nearish examination times, i have been experiencing a recurring dream of sorts, which varies in detail and pops up randomly, but is definitely identical in content every time.
i'll break it down to basics: (in colour because it's a dream)

setting: classroom, at my school or an adaptation of it.
characters: usually, myself and my literature teacher are the protagonists, also a smattering of classmates and on occasion, another teacher.
action: have just handed in an essay/completed a practise essay/had an essay handed back/consulting with teacher privately. teacher wears bone-chillingly grave expression, sometimes with a tinge of disgust, as he proceeds to reprimand me for being a terrible student, talentless, lazy, useless, will amount to nothing, et cetera. i have some kind of negative reaction ranging from tears to tantrums, bad emotions, end scene.

this is usually followed by me waking up, which is always a relief. as these dreams have continued long after i have finished high school, vce examinations and any related activity to this teacher, what i am throwing out into the cyber field of intelligentsia to discuss is this:

why am i having these dreams?

i'd really like to hear thoughts in response.
until then,
adieu.

ps. a disclaimer: the first thought is not indended to discourage, rather to educate those who have been gently nudged for too long and have not yet got the message.