a calico bear covered in ink

stop. WHINGE TIME!
i feel as though the closeness i felt to my friends and my cohort upon finishing year twelve has dissolved somewhat, and i rarely speak to anyone but for a few people these days. yes, examinations approaching does count for some of this, but i feel like it's more than that. there are people i don't even want to talk to anymore, and people who i am sure don't want to talk to me. on a happier note, there are people who i never really was close to before, who i am starting to get to know recently, and they are amazing. but, this feels a bit backward, or perhaps premature. aren't you supposed to make those new and amazing friendships BEFORE you graduate? and then maintain those close friendships you've always had/recently developed, whilst simultaneously the friends who weren't really friends gradually fade away? so this feels all wrong. there is far too much social confusion right now for my guilt-ridden and tortured brain to deal with. as for my heart, i'm not even going to go there. i can't wait to have my life back, for this painful period in my life to be over, to be able to do what i like for a while without feeling guilty about not studying. i can't wait to see the people i love, and spend time with them doing the things we love, and most of all getting onto the list of things to do after exams which gets added to everyday. i also would like a dorky tartan hat.