this life is a game of russian roulette
where one never knows what one might get
ambiguity is fate's best friend,
his not-so-secret weapon, and there's no peeking
at how this story ends.
the most inexplicable poker face,
we're all running but is it even a race?
some chase answers,
some don't care,
and others still say the answers aren't there.
perhaps we're not ready to learn the truth,
perhaps we're too busy with arrogant youth.
and maybe, if we're really blessed
to reach an age of those wisest,
maybe then, we will slow down to smell the flowers
and realise that knowledge really isn't power,
one day when we discard greed and regret,
and learn to appreciate this life
that is a game of russian roulette.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
scaring up a friend
isn't it funny how we struggle to keep our birthday party guest list at 50 people, because you can't possibly leave out any of your friends, but when it comes to scaring up a single friend to do something such as attend a class or go shopping with, you can't seem to find anyone? and this isn't even a bitter rant about friends deserting friends or not knowing who your real friends are, it's just a mildly intrigued observation. i don't really know why this, the aforementioned conundrum that is, seems to happen. perhaps it's because when we seek out a single friend to partake in a specific activity with, we are looking for the kind of friend we can spend some one-on-one time together without arguing or falling into any kind of mishap, someone that we're close to and can enjoy their company without other people having to be around. and maybe those kind of people don't happen to be available on the particular day we would like to spend with them, and then while we may very well have thirty other people we could call to join us instead, we'd really rather not. or maybe the 'other' people that we run through in our mind or our contact list come with strings attached to other people that we'd rather not have tag along on a day of tete-a-tete friendship fun, for example a boyfriend, girlfriend, other friend or sibling. the list of possibilities goes on. and as i hash out this riddle in my brain and on this screen, my fingers grow tired of typing and my mind wanders onto other topics which are less fascinating to blog about but more appealing to my slightly sleep-deprived mind. the end.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
The golden goose and some food for thought
my grandmother, my mother's mother, is an immensely important and special person in my life. we grandchildren call her 'Ma', and she will always be Ma, just as the spare room in our house where she used to sleep when she stayed over will always be 'Ma's room', regardless of the fact that she hasn't slept there in years. Ma has been present in my life from day one, looking after me, telling me stories and making me crumpets. she has been watching Bold and the Beautiful since before i can remember, and will keep watching it for the rest of her life. she is my constant, a source of comfort. life may rush around me like a tornado, ever changing, at times too fast for me to keep up, but through it all, Ma remains the same; i take comfort in the fact that over my 18 years of knowing her, she has not changed in any drastic or unpleasant way.
Muriel 'Olive' King is a woman to be admired. i remember once, she wrote a story, her life story, entitled 'The story of Margret'. it was a touching tale, i remember reading it. it detailed the hardships my beloved Ma suffered in her earlier life, long before i knew her, however she never complained, rather, she accepted what life dealt her and kept her faith steadfast and her chin up. she lost a parent at an early age, and later in her life she had twin sons, only to have one die. she grew up amongst the racism of Apartheid South Africa, and in moving to Australia, she left half of her family behind. she has had hip and knee operations and recently recovered from pnuemonia. and yet, not once has she stopped trusting God, or being thankful that she is better off than others. Ma is not a tragic hero, just a mother, grandmother and friend, who gives love unconditionally. we arrogant young may think we know better than our elderly folk, but i believe there is a lot to be learned from someone like my grandmother.
on a less somber note, i have many happy memories from childhood that involve Ma, perhaps the majority of my childhood memories revolve around her. i remember the stories she told me while i ate my dinner - Jack and the Beanstalk, the three bears, little red riding hood, the three little pigs. simple tales that every child is familiar with, but for some reason they stick in my memory with warm and happy connotations. i remember the crumpets she always made for us, that we ate with butter and jam. and the colorful scarves she used to own, that as a child i would adorn my self with and parade around her little house. and the songs she still sometimes sings, about a camel's hump, mermaids, and sausages for breakfast. i remember lying on her bed next to her while she knitted or read, or watched bold and the beautiful. it was always the best thing, sleepovers at Ma's house.
there are so many more memories, far too many to list here, and i know there will be more to come. Ma is an inspirational, beautiful person. everyone i know and a lot of people i don't know all love her, she is forever making friends. i feel truly blessed to have this amazing woman in my life, priveliged to have her as my grandmother. i will finish with a song she used to sing to me.
Muriel 'Olive' King is a woman to be admired. i remember once, she wrote a story, her life story, entitled 'The story of Margret'. it was a touching tale, i remember reading it. it detailed the hardships my beloved Ma suffered in her earlier life, long before i knew her, however she never complained, rather, she accepted what life dealt her and kept her faith steadfast and her chin up. she lost a parent at an early age, and later in her life she had twin sons, only to have one die. she grew up amongst the racism of Apartheid South Africa, and in moving to Australia, she left half of her family behind. she has had hip and knee operations and recently recovered from pnuemonia. and yet, not once has she stopped trusting God, or being thankful that she is better off than others. Ma is not a tragic hero, just a mother, grandmother and friend, who gives love unconditionally. we arrogant young may think we know better than our elderly folk, but i believe there is a lot to be learned from someone like my grandmother.
on a less somber note, i have many happy memories from childhood that involve Ma, perhaps the majority of my childhood memories revolve around her. i remember the stories she told me while i ate my dinner - Jack and the Beanstalk, the three bears, little red riding hood, the three little pigs. simple tales that every child is familiar with, but for some reason they stick in my memory with warm and happy connotations. i remember the crumpets she always made for us, that we ate with butter and jam. and the colorful scarves she used to own, that as a child i would adorn my self with and parade around her little house. and the songs she still sometimes sings, about a camel's hump, mermaids, and sausages for breakfast. i remember lying on her bed next to her while she knitted or read, or watched bold and the beautiful. it was always the best thing, sleepovers at Ma's house.
there are so many more memories, far too many to list here, and i know there will be more to come. Ma is an inspirational, beautiful person. everyone i know and a lot of people i don't know all love her, she is forever making friends. i feel truly blessed to have this amazing woman in my life, priveliged to have her as my grandmother. i will finish with a song she used to sing to me.
"Mermaids, mermaids are we,
our home is in the deep blue sea.
all day long we lie on the rocks,
singing and combing our golden locks.
but don't come near,
or away we'll go,
away we'll go,
into the sea below..."
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
thought-provocation.
i just wonder, did they really return in five minutes?
and how are people to know, when they walk past the store, whether or not the five minutes have passed?
also, i just think it's rather endearing, the guesture of putting yp a sign like this.
in short, it made me smile.
Henry the Herron
what a marvellous weekend of Immense Fun i have had with my friends. 2 days of galivanting in the city, trams, walking until our feet hurt and then some, tequila and lemon, loud music, dating in the dark, dancing till 2am, japanese photobooths, outdoor cafes and falling in love with Henry the Herron, who lives on a bridge in Southgate, Melbourne. allow me to elaborate on that last part. we were crossing said bridge to begin our city adventures of well-deserved frivolity, when i spotted, on the other side of the glass wall of the bridge, a blue herron. he was sitting in the shade, presumably doing some people-watching, and he was polite enough to not fly away in fright when we stopped to take photos of him. i suppose he's used to such treatment, he had a certain celebrity quality about him. after a few moments of admiring this fine speciman, we christened him Henry and went on our way. several hours, some very sore feet and quite a few inside jokes later, we crossed back over what we now call 'Henry Bridge' and one of my friends wandered jokingly if Henry would still be there. so we walked slowly across the bridge and there he was, in all his adorable, celebrity-like glory, sitting in the shade. we took more photos and said our farewells, and i'm happy to say, the second spotting of Henry was the highlight of the weekend for me. i only hope i will see him again in the future.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
justice at its best like a vest
disregard previous post first of all because emma is a hacker
secondly,
an enlightening quote:
"when you're drunk, you don't get my emails"
thought provoking, isn't it?
love always...
secondly,
an enlightening quote:
"when you're drunk, you don't get my emails"
thought provoking, isn't it?
love always...
Monday, November 29, 2010
"hacked" (again)
Emma really is the best friend one could ask for
and she has an awesome photo blog, so i reckon you should follow it
anotherlittlephotoblog.blogspot.com
and she has an awesome photo blog, so i reckon you should follow it
anotherlittlephotoblog.blogspot.com
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Immense Fun.
My Summer of Freedom, thus far, in Summary:
1. Night-time swimming
2. Daytime city tripping
3. Printing of 311 photographs
4. getting bitchin' in the kitchen (no where near as dirty as it sounds)
5. the wedding singer, "all i know is that to me you look like you're lots of fun open up those lovin' arms, watch out here i come you spin me right round baby right round like a record..."
6. quoting 'summer heights high' non-stop
7. becoming sentimental when visiting school to hand out teacher presents
8. PARTY, PARTY, PARTY
9. dressing up in camo gear
10. returning home at 1am to discover you are locked out of the house
11. crashing on couches and matresses- who needs beds?
12. finding massive black spiders in your room so you don't sleep in it for three days
13. dancing non-stop
14. "feelin' so fly like a G6"
15. Ferris Bueller's Day Off. did anyone else know that the guy from 2 and a half men used to be HOT? :P
16. NERF wars!!!
17. endless photography
18. watermelon, crunchy noodle salad, strawberries and champagne, getting annoyed at melbourne's ridiculously unreliable public transport system and living in shorts.
IN A NUTSHELL....
THE BEST. SUMMER. YET. !!!
1. Night-time swimming
2. Daytime city tripping
3. Printing of 311 photographs
4. getting bitchin' in the kitchen (no where near as dirty as it sounds)
5. the wedding singer, "all i know is that to me you look like you're lots of fun open up those lovin' arms, watch out here i come you spin me right round baby right round like a record..."
6. quoting 'summer heights high' non-stop
7. becoming sentimental when visiting school to hand out teacher presents
8. PARTY, PARTY, PARTY
9. dressing up in camo gear
10. returning home at 1am to discover you are locked out of the house
11. crashing on couches and matresses- who needs beds?
12. finding massive black spiders in your room so you don't sleep in it for three days
13. dancing non-stop
14. "feelin' so fly like a G6"
15. Ferris Bueller's Day Off. did anyone else know that the guy from 2 and a half men used to be HOT? :P
16. NERF wars!!!
17. endless photography
18. watermelon, crunchy noodle salad, strawberries and champagne, getting annoyed at melbourne's ridiculously unreliable public transport system and living in shorts.
IN A NUTSHELL....
THE BEST. SUMMER. YET. !!!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
SO HAPPY
i feel like dancing in the rain like an idiot, or spinning around and around and around, or skipping through a public place singing some cheesy musical number, with umbrellas twirling and cartoon birds chirping, just so the world can know how happy i am right now.
i'm so glad things seem to be going back to normal, time will tell how it all turns out, but for now i'm just glad you're back.
i'm so glad things seem to be going back to normal, time will tell how it all turns out, but for now i'm just glad you're back.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
this part, this little part right here...
a few people that make me smile
this girl is wonderful
sometimes, when you're lucky. you don't have to pursue it.
it just finds you...
Friday, November 12, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
"politically invisible"
whilst studying for my revolutions exam, i found myself at different moments throughout the day actually affected on an emotional level by the material which i've been reading over. for example, upon reading about the desperation of the peasants in rural France prior to the Great Fear, i caught myself actually feeling sorry for them. and more recently, in reading about French philosophe Voltaire (actual name Francois-Marie Arouet, which is a pretty cool name if you ask me), i actually laughed out loud at some of his actions. "at age 20...he attempted to elope with a young French emigre (their plot was discovered by Voltaire's father, who ordered him back to France). after arriving back in paris, he spent a year imprisoned in the bastille for writing satirical poems about members of the aristocracy. after his release, voltair continued to write undaunted...forced into exile...during Voltaire's three years in england he engaged in study of the english political and judicial systems..." you can see why i am quite enchanted by this Voltaire character. he was witty and clever, a writer, he stood up for his beliefs and did not allow himself to be swayed by the government, and he even made the best of his punishment of being exiled to england. ahh, the things you learn when you're studying.
ps. he was kinda cute, too. look at that cheeky smile. he's totally thinking, "suck it government, i'm superior in my knowledge...but i'm not going to be arrogant, i'll just smile my charming smile and read my books and write satirical poems about members of the aristocracy."
ps. he was kinda cute, too. look at that cheeky smile. he's totally thinking, "suck it government, i'm superior in my knowledge...but i'm not going to be arrogant, i'll just smile my charming smile and read my books and write satirical poems about members of the aristocracy."
Sunday, October 31, 2010
hyperventilating
it doesn't seem fair, that i can't have anything i want. i wanted THAT PERSON, all for myself, i wanted them to love me like i loved them. but no, i couldn't have that.
i wanted them for a friend, but that was taken away from me too.
i want to get the atar score i need to get into melbourne for psychology, but it seems i'm too much of a pathetic failure to have that.
i want to be thinner, fitter, stronger. but my weaknesses triumph every time.
i can't even find the things that i lost.
and as i write this, i feel selfish, because i guess i do have a lot, compared to some. i've experienced first-hand the joy that can be brought to people's lives by building them a tiny shelter to teach their kids to read and write in. i've seen how some people live, with next to nothing, and how happy they are. so why can't i be appreciative and hopeful like them?
the world is so twisted and wrong. so are people. i'd trade places with the beautiful Anita of the Tagamenda Single Mother Centre in Iringa, Tanzania, if only this ache that plagues me night and day would go away. loneliness, regret, failure. give me back those mountains i climbed, and the waterfalls we swam near, the friendships we formed and the smiles we brought to other people's faces. it feels like a dream. reality is loathesome.
i wanted them for a friend, but that was taken away from me too.
i want to get the atar score i need to get into melbourne for psychology, but it seems i'm too much of a pathetic failure to have that.
i want to be thinner, fitter, stronger. but my weaknesses triumph every time.
i can't even find the things that i lost.
and as i write this, i feel selfish, because i guess i do have a lot, compared to some. i've experienced first-hand the joy that can be brought to people's lives by building them a tiny shelter to teach their kids to read and write in. i've seen how some people live, with next to nothing, and how happy they are. so why can't i be appreciative and hopeful like them?
the world is so twisted and wrong. so are people. i'd trade places with the beautiful Anita of the Tagamenda Single Mother Centre in Iringa, Tanzania, if only this ache that plagues me night and day would go away. loneliness, regret, failure. give me back those mountains i climbed, and the waterfalls we swam near, the friendships we formed and the smiles we brought to other people's faces. it feels like a dream. reality is loathesome.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
actually, i'd love to live on the moon.
ernie says, in his amazing song, "though i'd like to look down on the earth from above, i would miss all the places and people i love, so although i might like it for one afternoon, i don't want to live on the moon." whilst there are a great deal of people i love here on the earth, these days i feel so awful, and am so easily dragged down into a pit of depression, that i don't think i'd mind living on the moon. it'd be a tad lonely, i'll admit, but perhaps the change of pace would be nice. additionally, there is no gravity on the moon, so i'd have heaps of fun bouncing around and stuff. and i could have such a fantastic view of the stars... maybe, in my spare time, because i'd imagine i'd have a rather lot of it if i lived on the moon, i could visit other planets. like pluto, which i am determined to keep believing is a planet, despite what stupid obnoxious scientists say. there's just not much on this earth that makes me happy anymore, so i figure, it's time for a change of location. and the moon seems as good a place as ever to start afresh. "so if i should visit the moon, well i'll dance on a moonbeam and then, i will make a wish on a star, and i'd live there forever, amen."
I Don't Want To Live On The Moon.
a beautiful song from childhood...sung originally by ernie of sesame street aka jim henson. pure amazement.
Friday, October 29, 2010
i hate you, you stupid antisocial black hairball with creepy green eyes.
WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYYYYYYY!?!?!??!!??!?!???
argh. stupid cat. i hated you from day one but i never wanted you to get LOST!
here, kitty kitty kitty. nice kitty. please come home before your mummy and daddy do, otherwise they will kill me for losing their pet, and i'll never be hired as a house sitter ever again. please come back, because if you do there'll be lots of nice cat food for you to eat, and stuff. i might even buy you a special treat.
i
am
extremely
worried.
okay? so leave me alone.
argh. stupid cat. i hated you from day one but i never wanted you to get LOST!
here, kitty kitty kitty. nice kitty. please come home before your mummy and daddy do, otherwise they will kill me for losing their pet, and i'll never be hired as a house sitter ever again. please come back, because if you do there'll be lots of nice cat food for you to eat, and stuff. i might even buy you a special treat.
i
am
extremely
worried.
okay? so leave me alone.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
i'd rather not be a seagull.
if you love me, let me go
pearls would be my favorite thing...
back to that...BAR IN TOKYO. please?
disclaimer: i am not nude. i'm wearing a singlet.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
This is no Bridget Jones!!
so,
what the fuck do you do when people that you love the most, unintentionally cause you the most pain? and you can't tell them, because doing so would be to hurt them, which you would never ever do, because you love them?
i don't want this to be another heartbreaking episode in my life. when does it end?
what the fuck do you do when people that you love the most, unintentionally cause you the most pain? and you can't tell them, because doing so would be to hurt them, which you would never ever do, because you love them?
i don't want this to be another heartbreaking episode in my life. when does it end?
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
a calico bear covered in ink
stop. WHINGE TIME!
i feel as though the closeness i felt to my friends and my cohort upon finishing year twelve has dissolved somewhat, and i rarely speak to anyone but for a few people these days. yes, examinations approaching does count for some of this, but i feel like it's more than that. there are people i don't even want to talk to anymore, and people who i am sure don't want to talk to me. on a happier note, there are people who i never really was close to before, who i am starting to get to know recently, and they are amazing. but, this feels a bit backward, or perhaps premature. aren't you supposed to make those new and amazing friendships BEFORE you graduate? and then maintain those close friendships you've always had/recently developed, whilst simultaneously the friends who weren't really friends gradually fade away? so this feels all wrong. there is far too much social confusion right now for my guilt-ridden and tortured brain to deal with. as for my heart, i'm not even going to go there. i can't wait to have my life back, for this painful period in my life to be over, to be able to do what i like for a while without feeling guilty about not studying. i can't wait to see the people i love, and spend time with them doing the things we love, and most of all getting onto the list of things to do after exams which gets added to everyday. i also would like a dorky tartan hat.
i feel as though the closeness i felt to my friends and my cohort upon finishing year twelve has dissolved somewhat, and i rarely speak to anyone but for a few people these days. yes, examinations approaching does count for some of this, but i feel like it's more than that. there are people i don't even want to talk to anymore, and people who i am sure don't want to talk to me. on a happier note, there are people who i never really was close to before, who i am starting to get to know recently, and they are amazing. but, this feels a bit backward, or perhaps premature. aren't you supposed to make those new and amazing friendships BEFORE you graduate? and then maintain those close friendships you've always had/recently developed, whilst simultaneously the friends who weren't really friends gradually fade away? so this feels all wrong. there is far too much social confusion right now for my guilt-ridden and tortured brain to deal with. as for my heart, i'm not even going to go there. i can't wait to have my life back, for this painful period in my life to be over, to be able to do what i like for a while without feeling guilty about not studying. i can't wait to see the people i love, and spend time with them doing the things we love, and most of all getting onto the list of things to do after exams which gets added to everyday. i also would like a dorky tartan hat.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
geez louise!
these people are simply lovely. in particular, the gentleman on the left. he lights up my life.
in my day...
some things from childhood that are so much better than now, and cause me to pity the children of today that have to put up with such ridiculousness...
telletubbies - tubby custard you could buy at the supermarket which tasted awesome (pink yogurt, anyone?), the blue vacuum cleaner that looked like an elephant, characters whose vocabulary extended beyond 'booobahhh' and who weren't morbidly obese, rather, just cutely chubby. and, they embraced homosexuality (tinky winky, enough said), and they had a live and extremely cute laughing baby for a sun.
while we're on the subject of television, we actually had good tv shows, such as johnson and friends, arthur, hey arnold, the ferrals, george and martha, the ORIGINAL rugrats and many more. now what do they have? ben ten? as if that compares to SAILOR MOON or the adrenalini brothers. also, the occasional pointless but totally original cow parade, in which they sang 'mamini mamini mamini moo, maaah, meeeh, moo!'
outdoor activities. from building cubby houses that fell down within 5 minutes, to bikes and scooters, and drawing with chalk on the footpath. endless hours of exposure to vitamin D and other good things. plus, we made heaps of friends. nowadays, it's playstation, government-approved playgrounds (read, plastic boxes a foot above the ground and monkey bars that are extremely stiff) and kiddie laptops featuring franklin the turtle and dora the explorer all the way.
cool food, like cheezles you wore like rings, and those freakish cheese sticks that melted in your lunchbox and stuck to the wrapper, and dunkaroos. now its all processed, colour-free, fat-free, flavour-free and taste-free. why not just feed your kids packing foam?
while i am not advocating super-unhealthy food that makes kids fat and sick, what has happened to happy meals? the whole point of a happy meal from mickey-dee's when you were a kid was that it made you HAPPY, because it was a treat to be allowed to eat skinny fries saturated in deep-fried salty goodness, and chicken nuggets that we later found out were made from rabbit, and watered-down cups of coke filled to the top with ice. not to mention the super-junky but awesome in our eyes toy that came with the meal. in present times, chips have become apple slices, nuggets are weird shaped pasta with stuff inside, and fizzy drinks that make kids go nuts for an hour and then crash are strange juices. why not just make that stuff at home? the point of a happy meal was that parents don't have to cook, and kids get a break from broccoli and mashed potato. if you're going to feed your kid a 'healthy' happy meal, you're better off making a trip to safeway.
and that's all i got for now, but yes. i can safely say, my childhood rocked. the end.
telletubbies - tubby custard you could buy at the supermarket which tasted awesome (pink yogurt, anyone?), the blue vacuum cleaner that looked like an elephant, characters whose vocabulary extended beyond 'booobahhh' and who weren't morbidly obese, rather, just cutely chubby. and, they embraced homosexuality (tinky winky, enough said), and they had a live and extremely cute laughing baby for a sun.
while we're on the subject of television, we actually had good tv shows, such as johnson and friends, arthur, hey arnold, the ferrals, george and martha, the ORIGINAL rugrats and many more. now what do they have? ben ten? as if that compares to SAILOR MOON or the adrenalini brothers. also, the occasional pointless but totally original cow parade, in which they sang 'mamini mamini mamini moo, maaah, meeeh, moo!'
outdoor activities. from building cubby houses that fell down within 5 minutes, to bikes and scooters, and drawing with chalk on the footpath. endless hours of exposure to vitamin D and other good things. plus, we made heaps of friends. nowadays, it's playstation, government-approved playgrounds (read, plastic boxes a foot above the ground and monkey bars that are extremely stiff) and kiddie laptops featuring franklin the turtle and dora the explorer all the way.
cool food, like cheezles you wore like rings, and those freakish cheese sticks that melted in your lunchbox and stuck to the wrapper, and dunkaroos. now its all processed, colour-free, fat-free, flavour-free and taste-free. why not just feed your kids packing foam?
while i am not advocating super-unhealthy food that makes kids fat and sick, what has happened to happy meals? the whole point of a happy meal from mickey-dee's when you were a kid was that it made you HAPPY, because it was a treat to be allowed to eat skinny fries saturated in deep-fried salty goodness, and chicken nuggets that we later found out were made from rabbit, and watered-down cups of coke filled to the top with ice. not to mention the super-junky but awesome in our eyes toy that came with the meal. in present times, chips have become apple slices, nuggets are weird shaped pasta with stuff inside, and fizzy drinks that make kids go nuts for an hour and then crash are strange juices. why not just make that stuff at home? the point of a happy meal was that parents don't have to cook, and kids get a break from broccoli and mashed potato. if you're going to feed your kid a 'healthy' happy meal, you're better off making a trip to safeway.
and that's all i got for now, but yes. i can safely say, my childhood rocked. the end.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
presenting the valedictorians of 2010
the ones who mean the most
everyone's favorite drag queens
we no longer pretend. 
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
an unsure pen
"if i can't love you as a lover i will love you as a friend"
what. a. lie.
considering, you won't even let me have the latter option. which i'd imagine you'd prefer. but you won't even give me a chance. and i'm done apologising, i'm done bending over backwards to try and make you happy. i was there for you from the start, i listened to you every time even though my heart was breaking, but the minute you find out something you don't want to know, you run away like a little bitch, and i'm left yet again to pick up the pieces. i hate the idea of ending what has been such an amazing year on a bad note, and so i won't. i refuse to be dragged "by the wrist into a pit to be devoured" be despair, i've been there one too many times before, only this time i have a feeling you'll be more than happy to leave me to struggle to get myself out. so i'm not going to even go there. i'm sorry i couldn't be the person you wanted me to be, but i guess i never really knew what exactly that was. i still believe you're a good person, i've seen that in you. but i can't attach myself to that person anymore. because i need to be strong, and right now all this is doing is making me weaker. i have so many amazing people in my life. it seems a pity that you no longer want to be one of them. just know, i don't hate you. i'm just confused as to how you wanted this to turn out.
what. a. lie.
considering, you won't even let me have the latter option. which i'd imagine you'd prefer. but you won't even give me a chance. and i'm done apologising, i'm done bending over backwards to try and make you happy. i was there for you from the start, i listened to you every time even though my heart was breaking, but the minute you find out something you don't want to know, you run away like a little bitch, and i'm left yet again to pick up the pieces. i hate the idea of ending what has been such an amazing year on a bad note, and so i won't. i refuse to be dragged "by the wrist into a pit to be devoured" be despair, i've been there one too many times before, only this time i have a feeling you'll be more than happy to leave me to struggle to get myself out. so i'm not going to even go there. i'm sorry i couldn't be the person you wanted me to be, but i guess i never really knew what exactly that was. i still believe you're a good person, i've seen that in you. but i can't attach myself to that person anymore. because i need to be strong, and right now all this is doing is making me weaker. i have so many amazing people in my life. it seems a pity that you no longer want to be one of them. just know, i don't hate you. i'm just confused as to how you wanted this to turn out.
Monday, October 18, 2010
these are the best days
we are the best
cheezu!
pj's at school...my life is complete
being drunken little things 
i can't imagine not seeing them every day...Sunday, October 17, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
echoes on the horizon
words words words words words words words words words words words words words
words words words words words words words words words words words words words
words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words
words words words words words words words words words words words words words
words words words words words words words words words words words words words
words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS
don't mean a thing, if nobody listens.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
it wasn't a dream.
some things were breathtakingly beautiful...
...& some things just made us laugh. like this.
great things come in tiny packages :)
our former selves became shadows in comparison...
unhappy
why do we exist in a society where we constantly feel the need to tear each other down? we pride ourselves in being 'individual' and condemn conformity, but the reality is, the second someone does something that is outside the box of the acceptable conventions, they are ridiculed, criticised, ripped to shreds. in these instances, there is never any kind of solidarity. one person is targeted, and everyone else joins in stripping them of their dignity and self-confidence. why do we have to have this constant negativity in our lives? isn't it so much better to be positive and uplifting? a good challenge to set oneself is to give out one compliment a day, if not more. you'd be surprised at how a small comment such as 'your hair looks nice today' or 'i like what you did there' can fill someone else with so much joy. it makes you feel good about yourself too. this said, be genuine. nobody likes a fake. i wish we had the kind of world that embraced individuality, rather than shut it down. dare to be different is such a bang-on phrase. because it really does take a lot of courage to really step out of the boat, away from the flock, and be different. we say that we're an accepting, tolerant society, and that it's okay to be different. but really, we're only accepting to a point. which kind of defeats the purpose, because if you're being different within the constraints of the accepted societal norms, you're actually conforming. and if you step outside of said constraints, you'll
be shot down. well baaa humbug to you. i'd rather not be a sheep, thanks.
be shot down. well baaa humbug to you. i'd rather not be a sheep, thanks.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
impressed.
you can't read it, but there is an emotion for every letter of the alphabet. Miss Kirstybelle Leskie, i am impressed. love you, girl. change there may be, but you are my constant, my rock.
K.C. Kirstyfreespirit.blogspot.com
kudos
i like your eyebrows
i feel as though we're drifting apart. i don't know if this is good or bad. i'm scared of what the future holds, yet i can't seem to make myself feel for you anymore. it makes me sad to think we're not the same friends we used to be, and that it's happened in such a short space of time. for me, literally, it happened in a flash. one day we were best friends, the next, awkward strangers. i don't understand this and i'm not sure i want to. it's healing for me, in a way. but i don't want to lose you. are we even the same people we were what, two weeks ago? i'm not sure. "change is the one constant in our lives" its kind of ironic. we want consistency, and certainty, but we don't like change. i wish sometimes that i wasn't a creature of habit. if i were more adaptive, i'd probably feel less trapped. i said that i loved you, but has this become a past tense? i really hope not, because you've been an important person in my life for a long time, and i don't like to think what i would be had you not been there. please don't fade away...
Monday, October 11, 2010
hey, my hair bounces
some wise words. 
unexpectedly profound
she could be a fairy...
our table...we're always greeted with such lovely words
"what is the natural state?" the last days. they're actually here, hard as it is to believe, and this fact has made me sentimental. so i've started to take pictures, to capture memories and moments, to remind me of the beauty in the everyday. laughter, sunshine, lazy lunchtimes, singing the same words over and over, because these are the days we have to make count, and not a minute will be wasted on futility.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Long Walk.
today i learned something. i learned that no matter how far apart you are from the ones you love, or for how long, if you're truly best friends, you will always be just as close, and love each other just as much, and no amount of time or distance can change that. because best friends are forever, and forever trumps time. even though we have no sense of direction, we can always find each other.
we might be disorganised at times but we will always manage to spend time together.
and even though so much has changed in both of our lives, our friendship remains the same.
it's comforting to know that we can pick up right where we left off, despite the uncertainty of a world constantly in a state of flux, and now that i know this i will remember it even when we are separated by oceans, and thousands of miles. and i hope we can remember that we're still both under the same ebony sky, separated only by the sea. our friendship has been a long walk, of which i am thankful for every minute, a walk that will continue on into the rest of our lives.
i love you, my best friend.
forever.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside a bitch
you take delight in my pleasure,
i take pleasure in your pain,
you made me choke on your sugar-sweet words,
until i broke free of those chains,
you chased me halfway across the world,
and i followed you a quarter-ways back,
then i watched in horror as your plans unfurled,
and the stars disappeared, and the sky turned black.
the ice bergs are melting now,
and i can't seem to find my way around,
i never used to be afraid of the dark,
or monsters under my bed, but since you happened,
it's been impossible to find my ground,
you shook my world, rocked me to the core,
and left me in the choppy waters to drown.
but you failed, see,
because while i was removing one-by-one every piece
of your being from myself,
you forgot to get rid of every bit of me,
and so i was able to find my way back;
i just followed the song.
i take pleasure in your pain,
you made me choke on your sugar-sweet words,
until i broke free of those chains,
you chased me halfway across the world,
and i followed you a quarter-ways back,
then i watched in horror as your plans unfurled,
and the stars disappeared, and the sky turned black.
the ice bergs are melting now,
and i can't seem to find my way around,
i never used to be afraid of the dark,
or monsters under my bed, but since you happened,
it's been impossible to find my ground,
you shook my world, rocked me to the core,
and left me in the choppy waters to drown.
but you failed, see,
because while i was removing one-by-one every piece
of your being from myself,
you forgot to get rid of every bit of me,
and so i was able to find my way back;
i just followed the song.
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