"i fall as hard as i try"

just reflecting on things, and these lyrics floated into my head.
good song, and sums up what i've been feeling a lot lately.
this isn't the whole song, just bits and pieces that i like.

why do you put me on a pedestal? im so up high that i cant see the ground below so help me down, you've got it wrong i don't belong there

i always said that i would make mistakes im only human and thats my saving grace I'll fall as hard as i try so don't be blinded see me as i really am i have flaws and sometimes I even sin so pull me from that pedestal i don't belong there

sometimes i just feel like, i'm on a pedastal, as the song suggests. sometimes i feel like people see me as someone that has it together, in certain aspects of life, when really i don't. "i don't belong there..."
i wish i did. i really do. i used to kind of belong there. well maybe not quite. but i was on the way up. and then, i don't know, something happened, and i'm not on that road anymore. it's like i try to reach for it, but things get in my way. a lot has to do with myself, i'm just not as sure and steadfast as i used to be, about everything. it's a little scary, and sometimes i really get terrified of the person i could potentially turn out to be.

i have a glutton for punishment. i seriously have issues. but i'm not going to vent my spleen emo-style all over this blog. it should be a happy space.

i just need some time to breathe, figure things out, chill, be happy.
i'm working on it.