"Patricia is my cousin"

Dear Juliet,
thousands - perhaps even millions - of girls just like me have written letters to you.
but why? i mean, no offense, you were probably a nice person. but let's backtrack for a moment. first of all, you're hardly in a position to be giving advice on affairs of the heart to any girl. the whole idea of it is actually quite dangerous. you committed suicide, when you found out that your romeo was dead. what kind of a role model does that make you? "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem"
do you really want other girls to follow in your footsteps, and take their own lives for some guy? yes, i could quite possibly be slapped for referring to romeo, who is supposedly one of the most romantic figures in the history of literature, but really, was he? from my reading of the play, he seemed rather fickle. at the beginning of the play, he was mourning the loss of Rosalind, and then in less than 12 hours later, he's falling in 'love' with you. so really, how deep can his love have been, until the next girl came along? say he had been bemoaning your falsely dead body, and megan fox had come strolling past, and he'd seen her? and fallen 'in love' with her? "Oh, Juliet, you're dead, i'll never love ano----woah, hello baby!"
it is entirely possible. romeo was a seventeen-year-old boy. full of raging hormones and all that. and you! Juliet, you were just fourteen when you allegedly fell in love with romeo. now, i'm by no means claiming that one can be too young to fall in love, but really. you were fourteen, probably had never seen a boy before, and romeo, who was probably a bit of a stud, rocks up to your party, and you become infatuated. and then of course, he, who is older but not necessarily wiser than you, whispers pretty words in your ear and manipulates you with sex and poetry, and you're off pledging your undying love to him. which brings me to my original point. are you really in the position to be giving relationship advice to girls who will most probably take it seriously? i hardly think so.
by the way, please don't take this personally. i'm a huge fan of Shakespeare.
yours thoughtfully,