perhaps it's too late?

is it too late now to decide i don't want to grow up? everything's so close and it's terrifying. i'm now an 'adult', which has few merits, in the grand scheme of things. soon, all too soon, i will be out in the 'real world' as those older and wiser call it. as if i don't know what the real world is. i mean, i probably don't. i have no idea. and that's what scares me. i don't want to have to make decisions, and be serious, and self-sacrifice, and do things that i have to rather than that i want to. i'm selfish, i know, but being a child allows you to be selfish and i don't have that luxury anymore. i wish more than anything that i was five years old again, when my biggest fears were of the monster under the bed, and of getting sent to the naughty corner in school. i wish i could run into my parents room and sleep between them to make the nightmares go away. i wish i could dress up in fairy wings and colour with chalk on the driveway of my old best friend's house. i wish i could go back to the days of ignorance, and innocence, where i could just play and not worry about anything. i had grown-ups to do the worrying for me. when i was younger, i used to wish i was grown up. now i have no idea why.